Oceans From the Rain

Our latest addition....

2011-05-23T11:22:00.000-07:00

Chloe Hope

Born April 22nd

7 lbs, 2 oz ~ 20 inches

Introducing....

2009-09-30T12:34:00.000-07:00

Estee Love

Born August 20th

8 lbs, 3 oz ~ 20 inches

10 days and counting

2009-08-11T16:19:00.001-07:00

We are getting close to our due date (Aug 21). We've had a few scares, but God has been faithful to take care of our baby girl. I was put back on bedrest for a few weeks, but when I reached 37 weeks, the doctor took me off again. Thanks for all your notes asking how we've been doing. It seems to have been one adjustment after another.

I had a shirt made that pretty much sums up how I feel about this pregnancy and baby. It hasn't been easy, even now, to trust that everything is going to be OK. This past week, they performed a non stress test on the baby and the monitors weren't looking so good. The nurses faces, silence and reactions instantly brought back memories of my devastating appointment last summer. Once again I was alone and afraid of what they were going to tell me.

But I know that this baby's life, just like my other two girls', is completely in His hands. God has formed them and made each of them unique. And that brings me great comfort.

On a lighter note, we still have not decided on a name. We are taking a list of about 20 to the hospital with us. My personality likes to have everything ready, in order and planned, so this is a strange feeling for me. The other girls' names hold such perfect meanings for them as individuals, so it puts a little extra pressure to find just the right name for our next baby girl. My sister Elizabeth helped me put this in a photo. :)

In spurts I've been able to work on the nursery. I wanted to brighten it up a little, since we had a couple of bare walls. I drew up a topiary tree and a shelf-like branch that Troy cut out of wood. I finally finished painting them and he hung everything up for me.

So that's all of our news for now. I haven't checked in much lately, and just found out that I lost all the blogs I'd been following. So I'm off to rectify that the best I can.

Find Rest

2009-05-27T00:54:00.001-07:00

Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him.

He alone is my rock and my salvation;

he is my fortress, I will not be shaken.

My salvation and my honor depend on God;

he is my mighty rock, my refuge.

Trust in him at all times, O people;

pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge.
Psalm 62:5-8

For more inspiring Word Filled Wednesday, visit

The belly grows....

2009-05-26T22:23:00.000-07:00

So much to catch up on. I'm nearing the end of my second trimester and have been feeling great! I started "nesting" early in anticipation of an uncomfortable last couple months and that has kept me away from blogging more than I anticipated. But more on that in a later post.

First things first. My sister Elizabeth did an amazing maternity shoot for me today and I couldn't wait to share. I'll be 7 months in just a couple of days. As you can see, the baby continues to grow nicely.

Next up ~ Madeline. She did get her cast off, after Easter. They could not determine if there was a fracture in the growth plate, and after 3 rounds of not-so-successful xrays, we decided to just take the splint off and see how she did. She's regained all motion, so we are hopeful that she is healed. We did get some cute Easter pictures, thanks again to Elizabeth, although she still wasn't too happy with her arm at that point.

Also, I am happy to announce we are now "pacifier-free!" I will admit, bedtime is not as self-motivated as before, but it is one more thing I can check off my list before the new baby arrives. Thanks to Super Nanny, we went with the reward system: mail all your pacifiers to the Paci Fairy so she can share them with other little babies, and the next morning a big girl present will arrive in its place. I was going to tell her this a few times in preparation, but the first night she started asking for an "enbelope" to mail her pacis. I scrambled to get a decent big girl present together by the next morning (some new bedtime water cups, a new bedtime blanket I sewed that night, and some dressup stuff) and that was that. She will tell anyone, she is a big girl now!

And last but not least, thank you for all your prayers for Crystal and her kids. They continue to struggle to find their new normal without a husband and daddy. From the outside, I can see that Crystal is doing a great job at continuing to keep things running, but understandably she feels overwhelmed at different times. We missed Mike's laughter at our Memorial Day swim and Bbq. We miss him during basketball playoffs. We miss him when we see his girls and all their energy. I can't imagine how many times a day she misses him.

God has been faithful during this time. We all feel His presence and see Him at work in their situation. It doesn't take away the seeming senselessness of it all, but it does bring real comfort. Specifically, please pray that we will continue to be sensitive to Crystal's needs and obedient to respond. And also, just practically, for her to be able to get some good sleep at night. Her kids have been waking her up 3 to 4 times a night, and as Moms we know it's hard enough to function normally, much less on very sporadic sleep.

I know this post has been all over the place, thanks for sticking with me. Hopefully, I'll be back sooner than later.

Long overdue updates

2009-04-07T23:39:00.000-07:00

It's been a hard couple of weeks. I've had a difficult time finding the motivation to write at all. I mean, wasn't I just here? This journey is all too familiar. GRIEF. A different road, but a parallel path.

I've spent lots of time with Crystal and her kids, and even more time thinking and praying for them. And in so many ways, it has taken me back to the raw emotions of our own loss last summer. But in other ways it seems so much harder than what I went through.

My heart longs for Crystal and her kids to be far enough down the road that the hurt has subsided and they've found a way to make it. I wish I could do that for them. I can't, and it hurts.

O Lord, be gracious to us, we long for you.

Be our strength every morning, our salvation in time of distress.

Isaiah 33:2

A blogging friend that I've never met, sent me this verse on a 3 x 5 card in a package of wonderful homemade soaps I ordered from her. She had read my last post and had some encouragement for me. Actually, she sent me 9 incredible verses. She must have remembered that I like to write them out and put them around my house. Or maybe God just put that in her heart as a gift to me. Either way, these verses are now spread around my home and car, to literally bring me strength throughout the day.

And it reminded me why I needed to write. It's because of all the beautiful emails and comments I've received that have encouraged me in the last couple weeks. Many of you have been where I am. You are all too familiar with this journey. So I share in the hopes that maybe you can help me travel it just a little bit easier.

UPDATE # 1: Pregnancy, week 20.

About two weeks ago, I had a detailed ultrasound with a perinatologist. He was checking on the baby's health, the previa, the placental tear and most importantly - Gender! I have good news all around.

The baby looks great. No issues, no "markers" to indicate any problems. We're measuring exactly on track. And there is no sign of the previa. That has grown up and the placenta is now off my cervix, clearing the way for baby to make it out with no issues when the time comes.

The placental separation cannot be found! Praise God. 12 weeks of bedrest finally did its job and my body was able to heal. More importantly, this means my physcial restrictions were lifted. And God knew the exact timing. I needed to be able to be up and around so I could help my friend these last few weeks. I would not have been able to watch her kids, since I would not have been allowed to lift the baby. My stamina is not yet what I hoped, but I'm believing it will get there. The doctor advised me to ease back into things gently. That has been easy on some days, harder on others. But my body lets me know when I've overdone it, and I don't have much choice but to sit back down for a little bit.

And lastly, it appears with some degree of certainty that we are being blessed with another girl! I'm not sure what God had in mind giving my husband four girls to take care of in his house, except that he must be pretty good at it. It was not a surprise to me, as I noted the similarities with my first pregnancies. Just like last summer I was able to be confident we were pregnant with a boy because of the differences. We are grateful and excited!

I am also happy to announce, I had my first inquiry of pregnancy from a stranger. It may have had more to do with the awkward clutching of my belly after a too-long trip with the girls to the library but I have convinced myself it is because I am finally starting to get a belly.

UPDATE #2: Madeline

I am happy to report some improvement in her health, immune system and allergies. Without getting too detailed, it appears that the chemicals that have been so hard for her body to filter out have finally started to leave her system. This allows for her filtering organs, such as her liver, to actually begin healing and stop being overtaxed. We added 3 new foods into her diet in the last 2 weeks. Foods that she previously couldn't handle. It may not seem like much, but to us it is nothing short of a miracle.

On the other hand, if you've gleaned anything from previous posts, you will already know that she is a character. She is full of life, energy and has no fear. That being said, yesterday she was at her grandparents house for an overnight with her sister and cousins. Troy and I were looking forward to an evening that didn't include making dinner, baths or bedtime routines. We had just finished one of our goals for the evening, dinner out, when we got the dreaded call.

Something involving Madeline, her cousins, her sister and a swiveling office chair resulted in a fall requiring immediate attention. (Can I just admit to you at this point that my primary feeling was not overwhelming concern for the well-being of my daughter, but rather a selfish disappointment in the loss of a rare evening alone? Just keeping it real.) In spite of her protests over the phone that she had been "healed for a minute" when everyone prayed for her, we knew we had to get it checked. This IS the same girl that toughed it out for 6 weeks with half a toothpick lodged in the arch of her foot, and only complained twice - once when it happened and six weeks later when we realized she needed a doctor visit.

So I packed my bag and made the 45 minute trip to my in-laws. My father-in-law graciously accompanied us to the ER, probably because he didn't know it was going to take over SIX hours. But thank God that he did. Madeline's arm was so hurt that she couldn't lay or sit or move without being in intense pain. I was in no condition to lift, carry and move her on my own, not to mention I wasn't allowed in the room for the X-rays.

After a second round of x-rays, the doctors could not find a fracture. That's not to say there isn't one, because apparently they hide in the growth plates of kids her age. And whether it was a fracture or a sprain, the poor kid did NOT want her arm moved. They stabilized it in a hard cast and she immediately perked up. She hasn't cried since unless you touch or move her, or she is trying to roll over in her sleep.

And yes, my two year old still has a pacifier. But seriously, at 7:30 she gets her blanket and pacifier out of her room and announces to us that she is ready for a rest. THEN, she goes to bed willingly. Who am I to mess with perfection? It's a summer goal to get rid of it. As is potty training and moving her into her sister's room. Any and all tips are welcomed.

Thank you for your notes and thoughts and prayers. I hope I get some time to get caught up with everyone in the next few weeks.

Loss

2009-03-20T23:16:00.000-07:00

My heart is breaking. Today we learned that one of my dearest friends, Crystal, suddenly lost her husband, Mike, in the early morning. He was 36, active and healthy, with no history of illness. He unexplainably stopped breathing in the night and they were unable to revive him. They have 5 year old twins and a 6 month old baby. And none of them had the chance to say goodbye.

Mike holding our Madeline and his baby Nathan

I would do anything to bring this family together again. God had been doing an amazing work, and their story is one that brings Him glory. Crystal is a true friend who has overcome more than her share of tragedy and hardship. She understands real friendship, for good and bad. These last few months I've been on bedrest, she has faithfully picked up Olivia once a week for ballet with her girls. Afterwards, taking them home to play, and always returning her with an amazing meal in hand. I wish with all my heart she was spared this. And that the kids still had their Daddy.

Our girls with the twins

Mike was an incredible father. My husband had immense respect for the way he cherished his family. He was also charming and funny. He could bring a smile to everyone, young and old, and especially my girls. A few weeks ago, we went on a family vacation together. Afterwards, Troy and I talked about how easy and natural it was to be with their family. From the guys to the moms to the kids, it was just no work at all. And SO much fun.

Troy and Mike with all our girls

I had the privilege of spending the day with Crystal today, and her children and family. I want so badly to bless her in the way she has blessed our family. I am very honored that they allowed me in, to share in their grief and to serve them. Please pray for guidance and wisdom, as I continue to seek out the best ways to minister to them right now. I am so broken hearted and just devastated, as is my husband.

Please offer up prayers for this grieving family. And for Mike's family that have flown in from the East coast. While the hope of heaven is all that we have, somehow even that hope doesn't seem enough on this dark, first day of Spring. Jesus, please be with this family on their first night without a daddy and a husband. Meet them in their grief. Provide for their every need. Give them strength to make it to tomorrow. Amen.

Thankful

2009-03-04T15:55:00.001-08:00

Today I am feeling grateful. I had an appointment today and the baby is doing fine. I still have the small placenta tear, so I'm limited in activity. But I am feeling blessed and thankful that the baby is doing well.

In just a few more weeks we'll find out if we are having a baby girl or a baby boy. I have my suspicions..... I'll keep you posted.

"You are my God, and I will praise You; You are my God, I will exalt You." Psalm 118:28

For more inspiring Word Filled Wednesday, visit .

Sweet Friends

2009-02-25T11:08:00.000-08:00

"The heartfelt counsel of a friend is as sweet as perfume and incense." Proverbs 27:9

I used the New Living Translation for my Scripture photo today, but I also appreciate the wording in the Holman Christian Standard Bible.

"Oil and incense bring joy to the heart, and the sweetness of a friend is better than self-counsel." Proverbs 27:9

Sometimes the perspective of a friend is just what we need to get us back on track. And knowing that we can count on the godly advice of a solid Christian friend is truly something to cherish.

For more inspiring Word Filled Wednesday, visit .

The Role of a Mother

2009-02-23T00:04:00.000-08:00

Sherry shares At The Well today about her view on the role of a mother. To read the entire post, go here. The following is a snippet of what she had to say.

"As a mother I welcome my children into my life--I let them know that I like them, that I want to spend time with them, that I miss them when I am away--even while we are separated by sleep. They are always welcome on my lap, and are a priority far above my own needs or desires. They know that I not only tolerate them, but I delight in them. I include them in my daily life and consider them an integral and indispensable part of our family. In this way they become confident that they are loved, and their security translates into the other parts of their lives as they grow and mature."

And here is an 'incomplete list' of the practical application of these principles that she shared:

Smile at your child when he wakes up in the morning, welcome him into the new day.

Avoid "gripe groups" of other mothers who sit around and complain and run their children down.

Exclaim in a cheerful tone, "Hey--did you know that I like you a lot?"--often.

Tell the child stories of his birth/adoption and how you fell in love with him.

Allow your child to interrupt you when you are sewing or online or cooking, without conveying frustration.

Look into his eyes when he is talking to you.

Sit on the floor and play with him.

When you take him to the park, go on the slide and the swings with him.

Love his father--the man that he came from, even if that father is no longer part of your lives.

Let your arms and your heart always be open to him.

Don't postpone discipline--be consistent.

Be willing to be passionately involved--correcting him and reasoning with him.

Beware of using distractions such as media, etc. that are attempts to replace his need for your attention.

Although I just do not have much to share today, two of her discussion questions did intrigue me. I will be reading other posts to see what the other ladies At The Well have to say. If you have any creative ideas, please share them with me.

First, "What are some ways that I can turn the conversation around when other women begin to gripe and complain about their children?" I cannot recall coming face to face with this situation, but would like to be prepared when I do.

Second, "Name some creative ways we can create warmer, more inviting environments for our children." This question is probably the reason I feel I have nothing inspired to share today. After being on bedrest for two months with this pregnancy, and no specific end in sight yet, it's been hard on me as a mom. I struggle with a lot of guilt about the assistance I've needed in caring for my girls' most basic needs and the lack of quality play time and activities I can be involved with. It's extremely hard when Madeline asks me to lift her up and I have to remind her I can't right now. She excitedly says with a big grin, "Your baby in your belly grows bigger...bigger...and comes out. THEN you hold me!" Although my mind knows I am doing the "right" thing for this baby, and the girls will not be scarred by the changes of this season, it's still a struggle because it goes against all my mothering instincts.

I am looking forward to enjoying all the insights of other women today.

A Good Appointment

2009-02-22T23:20:00.000-08:00

I just wanted to update you on my appointment, last week Thursday. It was my first appointment with my OB. He said everything looks great and we should be past the point of worrying now at 14 weeks. He also noted the placental tear may have gotten smaller, indicating some healing going on! He said the previa was not a concern in the first trimester (other than a few additional physical restrictions) because the uterus is so small, it is common for the placenta to overlap the cervix. He is confident that as it grows, it will move upwards and become a non-issue. I also found out I won't be high-risk for the first time!

When I asked about possible exercise, like walking (I'm getting way out of shape and really antsy to get back to normal), he was very specific. He said my goal between now and the next appointment is to rest a lot, sleep a bunch and keep myself from getting any colds or flu. He said to do things that will relax my body, like get my nails done (oh twist my arm!). Then in 2 weeks he will see me and set up an appointment with the perinatologist, who will do an extensive ultrasound and hopefully tell us not only the gender, but that the tear is gone and I can resume life. While I was disappointed to remain on bedrest (I'm going on 2 months!) I was encouraged by his specific instructions and the explanation of how it is helping the baby.

Unfortunately, I was unable to stay away from the infections going around lately, probably because I've had 2 unusually clingy, cheek-to-cheek-cuddly, very-sick girls for the past 10 days. It finally caught up with me and I've literally been in bed since Friday afternoon. I never knew you could have so many symptoms at once (and I'll spare you the details). But seriously, I didn't realize adults still got earaches!

Other non-essential information:
No, I'm not showing yet. Since I have not fully past the point of nausea, I haven't been able to put on a pound.

Yes, I'm still sick but the doctor thinks once I go off the progesterone, I'll feel much better. 5 days and counting!

Yes, I faintly felt the baby move - just once. With the girls it was much earlier than this. I think being on bedrest has affored me the luxury of wearing comfy pants all day and the first time I felt both girls move was when my too-tight pants were pressing on my belly. I think it will be more comforting to me when I can feel the baby move each day.

Thanks again for the many prayers! It appears they are working and God has protected the baby in spite of the complications.

Perfect Peace

2009-02-17T13:22:00.000-08:00

Last week I was driving. I had a ways to go, probably 45 minutes, and the girls were busy in the back seat with papers and purses. I could have spent my time listening to worship music, or one of the podcasts I downloaded to my phone, but I didn't. Instead I was mulling.

Here's the backstory, as they say in Hollywood (or at least how I picture them saying in Hollywood). There is a relationship in my life that I've been bringing to the Lord for some time. Not only was it often hurtful, but it started to become unhealthy to me and to my family. Or maybe it had been that way all along and I just didn't see it.

Some months ago, my husband and I determined to seek God on how we should approach the situation. We knew we had to get together in love and try to get some resolution. But our offers for conversation were rejected. Many times. After many months, we both felt a release from pursuing it any further.

After that, my life was filled with much more peace than I had known in a long time. I think by trying to always "fix" the relationship, instead of asking God what He would require of me, I kept myself unnecessarily in midst of much drama and hurt.

So, back to my car ride. A couple days prior, I ran into said person at an event. In the course of a very few minutes, they were able to offend and disrespect me, lie to me and again refuse an offer to get together to make things right. As you might suspect, this sort of played itself out over and over again in my mind. And on that particular day, I had quite a bit of uninterrupted time to stew on it.

What was making me the most upset, was that I felt like I didn't have the power to shut off the automatic playback feature that kept going off in my mind. I mean, who can just make themselves feel something different or not think about a thought that appears uninvited in their head? And I was mad that this person still seemed to have the power to hurt me.

All of the sudden, God spoke to my heart. Or maybe to my mind. Either way, I heard it loud and clear. He said to me, "Rebecca, I have released you from that relationship to bring you Peace. You can either choose to accept my gift, or you can continue to dwell on this situation. Either way, it's your choice."

And that was it. It pierced me straight to my heart. I was the one choosing to allow those thoughts to run rampant in my mind. And at the same time, choosing to reject the precious gift of Peace that God was trying to extend to my life.

I repented and spent some time thinking about how I could replace those instant replays with God's gift of peace. I decided to find a Scripture about God giving us peace, and I would memorize it. And whenever those thoughts set themselves loose in my brain, I would replace them by reciting my verse of promise over and over until they left.

You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You. Isaiah 26:3

As a bonus, I read this over at Sunny's yesterday, about reacting versus responding. I felt encouraged to not only pray my Scripture, but to add a little prayer for the offending person. At least as much I can muster up honestly. She had some great Scriptures to inspire me.

For more inspiring Word Filled Wednesday, visit .

Family and Friendship

2009-02-16T11:24:00.000-08:00

I'm sure we've all heard the old wives' tale in regards to being a parent, “You can’t be friends with your child if you wish to parent them.” I've heard it many times and never really taken the time to consider it before.

I guess I probably thought it was true in light of my own childhood. My parents were either my friend, or my parent, but never both at the same time. I knew the days I was a close confidant or a buddy, and I knew the days I was just a child to be disciplined and kept in my place.

Today At the Well, we are discussing friendship within the family. We are taking a look at the phrase in Titus 2:4, "to love their husbands."

I obtained a new perspective of the verse when Amy revealed that the original word used for "love" is derived from Philos, which means to love in the sense of to be friends with. It means, “friend, to be friendly to one, wish him well.” This is different from the “love” of John 13:34, Agapao, which means "to welcome, to entertain, to be fond of, to love dearly.” The same can be said of the phrase "love their children."

The more I pondered this, the more I could picture friendship and parenting marching hand in hand. Here are just a few of the characteristics the Bible attributes to a friend.

What is a Friend?

Someone you trust and share with ~Psalms 41:9
Always loves you ~ Proverbs 17:17
Sticks with you ~ Proverbs 18:24
Gives you good counsel ~ Prov 27:9
Helps you up when you've failed ~ Ecc 4:10
Would give their life for you ~ John 15:13
Shares with you ~ John 15:15

When I think of my dearest friends, I know they are always available when I am in need. I am certain they will tell me when I'm out of line, as they want the best for me. They encourage me to grow. My closest friends are not afraid to be honest with me. They recognize my failures, but also encourage me to learn from them and move past them. They cheer on my victories, big and small. They even stand up for me when others attack.

Who wouldn't want a parent who does all that? If I'm being totally transparent here, then I have to tell you I would have given up my closest childhood friend to have my parents "parent me" like this. Unconditional love....someone I could trust and openly share my feelings with....not berating me, but helping me up when I fail.

I think the idea that we can't be a parent and a friend at the same time comes from a non-Biblical view of what a friend is.

Being a friend does not necessarily mean being an equal. I have friends I look up to for advice, and friends I feel more often I have something to impart. I love both kinds: the kind I can sow into and the kind I can learn from. I have some friends I can share my worst details with, and other relationships where that wouldn't be appropriate.

"As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend." Proverbs 27:17

And being a friend doesn't mean you let the person get away with wrong behavior for the sake of keeping peace in the friendship. That is not what Proverbs 27:17 is talking about when it says, "As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend." Just as you use a metal tool to sharpen a knife blade, it takes a substance of similiar strength and durability to handle the friction required to sharpen an object. A true friend is strong enough to stand up for what is right.

I love that I had the opportunity to study this today. I had always assumed I would have to choose between being a parent and a friend as my kids got older. Right now while my girls are young, it is natural to be a friend and playmate. I was dreading the day when I would have to abandon that to become "THE PARENT." I am excited to know that God has commanded us to love them with a friendship kind of love all along the way.

Everlasting Love

2009-02-11T10:44:00.000-08:00

As Valentine's Day approaches, I thought there was something so romantic sounding about God's "Everlasting Love."

The LORD appeared to us in the past, saying:
"I have loved you with an everlasting love;

I have drawn you with loving-kindness."

Jeremiah 31:3

First, He tells us He has loved us with a love that knows not the boundaries of time. Everlasting love is an ancient love, an always love, and an evermore love. Then He tells us He draws us with loving-kindess, or His merciful favor. You can't find a better love letter than that!

For more inspiring Word Filled Wednesday, visit Amy at .

Another Great Report!

2009-02-10T18:24:00.000-08:00

Today was my "graduation day" ultrasound, according to the doctor. It went great, although not so much at first. The ultrasound tech asked my permission to allow an ultrasound machine representative in the room in order to teach her how to better use the new 4D machine (which is now literally no bigger than a laptop!).

I didn't have a problem with that, but I was anticipating a lot of technical mumbo-jumbo. And after what happened last time, I did have the forethought to ask if I could see the heartbeat first, so I wouldn't be watching the screen and wondering if the baby was OK. Being unfamiliar with the equipment, it took her well over a minute to get the heartbeat. At first we even got audio that sounded like a loud whooshing sound, absent of the familiar, rapid duh-dump, duh-dump I was listening for. It took so long that I finally prayed out loud, Please God not again! The doctor came in at that point, took a look at my face and asked what was the matter. I told him these ultrasounds had me so scared that we wouldn't find a heartbeat again. He found it right away and made sure I saw and heard a decent heartbeat. I was a little shook up, so he forced me to crack a smile before they would continue.

We found that the previa HAS grown upward. Praise God! What an answer to prayer. He had a hard time determining if there was still a very slight previa left or if it would now be considered a low-lying placenta (which is a step up). He finally called it low-lying, as he wants me to move on to my regular OB and that way I won't be considered high risk. So I won't need extra appointments with a perinatologist! Yay!

The placental tear is still there and is the same size. I thought that was good news until he started to lecture me about not being worried. So I asked if it was supposed to heal. And he said usually they do, but mine isn't. He assured me it is nothing to worry about, but I do have to stick with my physical limitations (ie, no lifting, bending, exercise, etc). Apparently, using abdominal muscles can strain the area and cause the tear to get bigger.

Again, the baby is measuring right on track, which means the baby is still getting enough nutrition despite my morning-day-and-night sickness and in spite of the tear.

After the doctor left, the tech and rep continued to work on the settings of the machine, and I was blessed to get to watch multiple 3D videos. (I felt like God gave me that little gift to help me get over my earlier scare.) It was so amazing to see the baby move in real time in such detail.

So all in all, a great report! I want to thank you for your many prayers and encouraging notes. The past couple months have been a struggle, learning to wait on God and trust Him in a deeper way. Even through bedrest, I feel like I have learned so much and God has been faithful to provide in every way.

I posted one of the videos here. As you can tell, the tech was working on seeing the baby from different angles. In the middle, the baby turns its bottom towards the camera and you can see the little rear end briefly. Towards the end, the baby arches it's back just like a newborn. Amazing to have a little peek into the miracle God is creating.

What's Inside?

2009-02-09T14:31:00.000-08:00

What is the real underlying motive for all of the good stuff that you do?

This is the discussion question At the Well today. And it's one that will get your mind going on a Monday morning.

Laurie says, "Sometimes, there is a huge difference between our impure motives and the goodness of our actions."

I have dealt with this issue, especially since adding children to our family. Slowly, the overload of multiple ministries and activities began to take a toll on me as a mother and wife. And I had a hard decision to make.

What I was doing was good. It was "for the kingdom" and produced good fruit. But it was taking the place of the primary role God gave me at this time in my life.

My husband and I both grew up in families that were well rooted in the church. We both know many close family and friends who were involved in ministry. It shocked me as I began to open up about my struggle, how many women shared with me the regrets they had over time lost with their children that they would never have back.

Those conversations forced me to reconsider why I was involved in different areas of service or ministry. As Laurie said, what was my underlying motive? I was surprised to discover sometimes the motive was a feeling of obligation, a sense of duty or even peer pressure!

At that point, I began to take a different approach. I would first ask God if He wanted me to commit to something, and ask Him to bring me a sense of peace if He did. If I felt uncertainty, then I would wait to get involved until I felt sure God was leading me in that direction. On the flip side, I also asked God to give me a sense of release when it was time to be finished with something I was involved in. I didn't want to allow myself to quit just because it was uncomfortable or hard, but again because I knew God was leading me in a different direction. That certainly put a check on my motives.

All a man's ways seem innocent to him, but motives are weighed by the LORD.

Commit to the LORD whatever you do, and your plans will succeed.

Proverbs 16:2-3

And yet, I still miss the goal sometimes. This holiday season I really, really wanted to participate in our church's annual Christmas Tea by hosting a table. I had ladies in mind that I knew I would minister to at my table, and I knew they would be blessed. I had opportunity after opportunity to commit, but I didn't feel peaceful. At the last minute one Sunday, after another announcement asking for hostesses, I signed up. Partly because I so desired to do it and partly to please people who needed help.

Immediately, I regretted it. I knew I didn't have the go-ahead from the Lord. On the drive home from church, I told my husband I knew I had made a mistake. And sure enough, by the end of the tea, I was wishing I had been a little more obedient.

In hindsight, I could see why God wouldn't give me the release I wanted. He was trying to protect me. A couple days before the tea, my husband broke both of his wrists and we spent the week in ERs and doctor's offices and surgery centers. It was all I could do to get to the tea at all. And that night, my poor husband got really sick and needed me more than ever. But I was off ministering to everyone but him.

I learned another lesson. That God will work through us, even when we are imperfect.

It is true that some preach Christ out of envy and rivalry, but others out of goodwill. The latter do so in love, knowing that I am put here for the defense of the gospel. The former preach Christ out of selfish ambition, not sincerely, supposing that they can stir up trouble for me while I am in chains. But what does it matter? The important thing is that in every way, whether from false motives or true, Christ is preached. And because of this I rejoice.
Phillipians 1:15-18

God still allowed me to minister to the ladies at my table, but not without a price. My family suffered that night. And I suffered. I was overwhelmed and tired. And mostly disappointed in myself because I was the one responsible.

It was a good, hard lesson. I am even more careful now to listen to the promping of the Holy Spirit and check my motives. When God asks me to move on, I don't drag it out, I just obey trusting He has my best interests in mind.

I'll end with Laurie's prayer, "I desire to give Him all of my talents, all of my time and all of my treasures, for Him to use me as He sees fit. May my motives always be pure when it comes to serving Him and serving others!"

Thankful for God's Protection

2009-02-05T08:51:00.000-08:00

Today's Thankful Thursday post is very specific for me. I am thankful for my daughters, Olivia and Madeline. When I say I am a mother to two miracle daughters, I don't use that word lightly.

Last night I found Cynthiaa at Confessions of a Yummy Mummy. Cynthiaa was just 2 weeks away from her due date when she learned that her beautiful baby boy had died of cord strangulation. They delivered him and she is obviously in tremendous pain. She is relying on God to help her through & I hope you will all stop by with love and encouragement, lifting her up in your prayers.

The reason this struck a chord with me is because BOTH of my girls were born with cords wrapped around their necks. Olivia's cord was wrapped around her neck - twice! Because of the cord she couldn't fully expel the fluids from her lungs. She stayed absolutely awake for 24 hours, unable to breathe well, until they pumped the fluid out of her lungs the next day.

Madeline was a different story. She went into fetal distress after 30 hours of labor, causing the doctor to order a C-section. Fortunately, I was close enough to delivery and she was tiny enough, that we were able to push her out in a few pushes. Not only was the cord wrapped around her neck twice, but it was in a "true knot." This is a rare incident occuring 0.3% of the time and means Madeline literally swam in a circle and tied the umbilical cord in a knot. The doctor was amazed that she had made it OK through so many hours of laboring.

As I reflected on Cynthiaa's heartbreaking story, I was again amazed at God's hand of protection over both girls through difficult conceptions, pregnancies and deliveries. Please keep Cynthiaa and her family in your prayers today.

For more Thankful Thursday, go here.

Falling Headlong

2009-02-04T15:11:00.001-08:00

The Lord has been stretching me lately. Not in those rewarding ways, where you are afraid to do something He has told you to do, so you step out in faith and afterward you feel satisfied, obedient and fulfilled.

No, lately I've been traipsing through some unfamiliar territory. I'm talking the uneven grounds of going against things you were taught as a child, the rocky paths of stirring the waters and even the jagged road called "this might ruffle someone's feathers."

If you know me, you understand that I am more of a keep-the-peace kind of girl. I love to teach, support, and encourage. The gift of godly admonishment or confronting wrongs is not in my bag of tricks.

But it has been a call I cannot ignore. The voice of the Lord asking me to go deeper, further than I've been before. I need to grow up in Him, do the right things even when they aren't easy. And then there is God's written word, confirming how a righteous man or woman behaves.

The problem is sometimes after I've obeyed, everything seems to blow up. It appears to be worse than before. And I begin to doubt if I even heard Him right to begin with.

I admit that I've worked hard throughout my life to establish an authentic grace-filled relationship with God, as opposed to one that is based on following all the rules and performing with perfection, because I so desire Him to be pleased with me.

So when I read this verse, you could almost see the relief wash over me.

Psalm 37:23-24
"Our steps are made firm by the Lord,
when he delights in our way;
though we stumble, we shall not fall headlong,
for the Lord holds us by the hand."

In my attempts to hear God correctly, and be obedient to what I think He has asked me to do, I very well may stumble. I may not get it exactly right at first. But He is not going to let me fall headlong down a flight of stairs. I might miss my step, but thankfully He is holding my hand and has promised not to drop me. I feel just like a child who is not so steady yet, but who has a loving parent saying: Trust me. Follow Me. I have planned for you to walk this way.

For more inspiring Word Filled Wednesday, visit .

I'm Late to the Well....

2009-02-03T11:21:00.000-08:00

All good intentions aside, I'm late in joining the ladies "At the Well." And to make matters worse, I won a doorprize! The first prize I've won through my blog (and it was the one I was really hoping for) - and I show up a day late.

In spite of it all, At the Well is one of a handful of memes that I have consistently stayed involved in. I love the introspection and insights it makes available to me as a mother and a wife. And it always brings me deeper into the Word.

Today's grand re-opening gives us a chance to examine the heart of At the Well, Titus 2:2-5.

When you read the Scripture found in Titus 2: 2-5, how do you see this playing out in your own life?

If you could set some sort of goal in relation to this Scripture, what would it be?

Teach the older men to exercise self-control, to be worthy of respect, and to live wisely. They must have sound faith and be filled with love and patience.

Similarly, teach the older women to live in a way that honors God. They must not slander others or be heavy drinkers. Instead, they should teach others what is good.

These older women must train the younger women to love their husbands and their children, to live wisely and be pure, to work in their homes, to do good, and to be submissive to their husbands. Then they will not bring shame on the word of God.

When I read these verses, I get excited about the part that encourages the experienced women to pass on their wisdom to the young women. I'm a fairly new mom and wife, and I look forward to gleaning the wisdom of women who've already been where I am, and have sound, godly advice for me.

Practically, the biggest part of this playing out in my life (the non-blogging part of my life, that is), requires me to climb out of my comfort zone. I need to be open to relationships at church and in Women's Bible study, that are not just with other moms and wives my own age. I need to push myself a little, and not allow myself to be so intimitdated by more experienced moms' success and wisdom. Sometimes it's easy to stick with what we know...but the familiar rarely helps us grow and mature.

When I read these verses, I think: Yes! I want to love my husband and children more! I want to function everyday with wisdom, living a life that is pure! I want to do good and work in my home, and learn how to submit to my husband more! In essence, I want to be a better wife and a better parent.

But the main goal is to live my life in a way that honors God, especially in the context of my family life as a wife and a mother. Being fully aware that I won't always succeed, my desire is to be intentional, and focus on my everyday interactions. To take a step back at the end of the day, and take note of whether my actions toward my children and with my husband were honoring to God.

A Great Report

2009-01-27T14:40:00.000-08:00

I am excited to share the news I got from my ultrasound appointment today (10 weeks, 4 days). Things are looking up!

First off, the doctor asked the technician to show me the heartbeat to ease my mind. There it was, fast and strong! Once I saw the baby's heartbeat, I was able to relax and focus on the details. Next, we looked at the tear in the placenta. The blood clot is about the same size, which the doctor referred to as very small - it has not grown in the last 10 days! This is awesome news. That means bedrest is doing its job.

At that point, the doctor said it was not a cause of concern and that we had "a 98% good news report." But that was before he saw the placenta previa.

I have a partial placenta previa, which means my placenta is lying unusually low in my uterus, next to or covering the cervix. The placenta is normally located near the top of the uterus, and is what supplies the baby with nutrients through the umbilical cord. If the placenta covers the cervix completely, it's called a complete or total previa. If it's right on the border of the cervix, it's called a marginal or partial previa. If the edge of the placenta is within 2 centimeters of the cervix but not bordering it, it's called a low-lying placenta.

What I have is actually a very small portion of the placenta over the cervix, a partial placenta previa. Throughout my pregnancy with Madeline, I had the similar low-lying placenta (which was what determined the pregnancy to be high risk). But it did move up throughout the course of the pregnancy, and became a non-issue. That's the doctor's hope for this previa. In the meantime, I am still on restricted activity...no lifting, no bending, minimal walking, etc. Which is easier to handle today, since I know it is really having a positive effect.

The baby measured right on target at 10 weeks, 5 days! That means my lack of appetite, nausea and placental tear have not affected the nutrition to the baby.

Towards the end of the ultrasound, I finally saw the baby moving and it brought me to tears. The image of a still baby is probably my worst fear. My doctor's wife lost a baby around the same time as we did, and so he is very compassionate. He asked the technician to let me watch the baby live for a while and do a 4D ultrasound for me. The baby was a dancing machine! We watched the back arch, the legs and arms wave around, and even take its little hand and rub its eyes. As a matter of fact, the baby moved so much the tech couldn't get any decent ultrasound pictures, they were all like strange blurs, but I didn't mind. I'd rather see a healthy, active baby. Praise God! As I add these pictures to the photo album we've started, I'll just include a little note: Too busy dancing to stop for photos today.

Thank you for all the prayers that went out today for us. God's presence and peace is strong, and that unexplicable peace helps fight away my fear and doubt.

Specifically, our prayer requests are:

the baby continues to get the blood supply and nutrients it needs to grow healthy and strong, (or as Olivia prays each night: that the baby will stay inside mommy's tummy until it grows big and can come out to be with us).
The tear in placenta will not grow and the blood clot will absorb.
The partial placenta previa will move upwards as my uterus continues to grow.
That God will continue to provide the help we need as long as I am restricted to bedrest.
That God will guide us in our decision regarding an OB and hospital to deliver at. I would like to stay with my same OB, since he is familiar with my history, but there are a few complications that need to be worked out.

Baby Boy

2009-01-25T10:54:00.001-08:00

January. 26. 2009.

Today is the due date of the baby boy who never made it into our arms, but left us early for the arms of our Heavenly Father.

As we've dealt with the complications surrounding my current pregnancy, the grieving process was sort of....stunted.

Yesterday and today, though, I've been hit full force with the ache of this loss. I should not be going to an early ultrasound tomorrow to see if this baby is growing OK; I should be holding a newborn baby in my arms today.

As I laid in bed last night, contemplating what emotions today would bring, one thing was certain. This little, little life taught me so much about Life. And has given me a desire I never felt before, to reach that place of eternal life where I will get to hold my son, wholly perfect. Heaven is our hope.

I am so full of contradicting emotions and thoughts, I almost didn't write at all today. Mourning the loss of one baby, while trying to hold out hope that the baby I'm carrying will grow, safe and strong.

But I felt compelled. I had to write to remember. The only thing worse than the pain, would be to forget.

Today I thank God for the short time he allowed our son to grow inside me. And for the incredible impact that experience had on our entire family. I am looking forward to the day when we will meet again. And I don't ever want to lose sight of that hope.

All My Praise

2009-01-24T22:54:00.000-08:00

This song was speaking to my heart today. I don't have the option of not praising God just because my situation is hard. Because God is seated on His throne, and He has promised not to abandon us. The song says He knew my name before there was time. Well, He knew this baby also. I am working on fully trusting those promises, and replacing my fears with praise.

All My Praise

I will follow You through green pastures
And sing hallelujah to Your Name
I will follow You through dark disaster
And sing hallelujah through the pain

And even in the shadow of death I will praise You
And even in the valley I will say

Holy, My God
You are worthy of all my praise
Holy, My God
You are worthy of all my praise

You are seated on your throne in heaven
And You see all of us down here
And You have promised You will not abandon
So I shall not fear

And even in the shadow of death
I will praise You
And even in the valley I will say

Holy, My God
You are worthy of all my praise
Holy, My God
You are worthy of all my praise

You made every star
And You taught it how to shine
You knew my name before there was time
And all this was just part of Your glorious design
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Holy, My God
You are worthy of all my praise

For more songs that inspire, visit Amy.

Grand Re-Opening

2009-01-23T16:14:00.000-08:00

At the Well is having a Grand Re-opening on February 2nd. You can click the image to check out the new site and "grand opening" giveaways! I can't wait to jump in again next week.

A Fresh Start

2009-01-22T19:13:00.000-08:00

Today is Thankful Thursday, and I've been waiting all day to write this post. This evening, my blog got its first design, a fresh start so to speak, thanks to Danielle. If you haven't checked her out, you should! She has designed many of the blogs I enjoy reading.

Also, she's offering $10 off a blog design to the first two people who email her. Use the name of this blog as the discount code.

In addition to being thankful for my new blog, today I am especially thankful for:

my husband and my girls,

the miracle pregnancy God has given us and for this baby,

the many, many prayers for healing and peace (they are working!),

and the support of so many, especially Emily and Lauren, who come help us out every morning (and even evenings if we need them).

For more Thankful Thursday, go here.

Purpose for Me

2009-01-21T15:11:00.001-08:00

"The LORD will fulfill his purpose for me;
your love, O LORD, endures forever - do not abandon the works of your hands." Psalm 138:8

I was dwelling on this verse this morning and thinking about what a wonderful promise we have been given! Then I realized that this verse used LORD, all caps, versus Lord. I remembered from our last women's Bible study that there was a difference between the two spellings, so I looked it up.

When we see LORD, it means Yahweh or Jehovah, "I am who I am." It denotes God's personal name and his eternality. It is often used in relationship to God as redeemer and covenant keeper.

In the midst of life's ups and downs, it blessed me to know that it is the LORD, my redeemer and covenant keeper, that promised to fulfill his purpose for me! Even when our situation looks like it is meaningless, God promises us that he has a purpose.

For more inspiring Word Filled Wednesday, visit Amy

Just an Update

2009-01-21T09:25:00.000-08:00

It's time for an update, as last week held some scary events for us and the baby. The beginning of last week I continued to be incredibly nauseous and unable to smell just about anything without getting sick. I stayed on bedrest like the doctor prescribed; too bad it wasn't helping ease the nausea. Two nights in a row I went to bed, sick, by 6 pm. Then on Wednesday evening, I had some incredibly sharp cramping and pains in my abdomen. I was hoping for the best, that it was something as simple as gas, even though though it didn't feel that way to me.

By Friday, I noticed my icky pregnancy symptoms had decreased dramatically. Things that were sore before were no longer sore, I wasn't nauseous and I no longer had aversions to smells. To test my theory completely, I sat with the family at dinner (I was fine) and I ate a hot dog to see what would happen (nothing). At this point I was convinced that something was terribly wrong and I started to get worried.

That's right, I started to feel better - and it made me upset! The backstory is, last summer we lost a baby right around this same week. And the series of events leading up to it were sharp abdominal pain and loss of nausea. I was also on bedrest for a separation of the placenta then too. I'm sure it didn't help matters that the baby's due date is coming up next week as well. And although the tests confirmed there was a chromosomal reason we lost that baby, there were too many similarities and a lot on my mind.

With all that history, and more than a few pregnancy emotions, I just began to believe that this baby was gone. I started to prepare myself for the worst and told my husband to do the same. My next ultrasound was still 4 days away, but I got in touch with the doctor's office Saturday morning and explained my symptoms to them. They asked me to drive down immediately.

This was no small task, but we managed to arrange instant childcare for the girls and then make the hour and a half trip down. I cried, knowing what to expect at this appointment. My mind alternating between whether I should take a look at one last picture of my baby, still and gone, or not watch and just save the last ultrasound image in my brain. My husband, on the other hand, stayed quiet during the drive because he said he wasn't sure about it all.

When we got in the room, I tearily told the nurse practioner about the pains and decrease in pregnancy symptoms. She said, "Oh that's good!" And I told her it wasn't a good sign for me, as I'm ALWAYS nauseous until week 14. She smiled and said pregnancy symptoms come and go. I just thought, This is my 4th time around, I know how things go. And then, without warning, the ultrasound picture came up. Even before the tech could locate the heartbeat, I saw the movement. The baby was kicking and waving and moving all around. My hands flew to my mouth and I gasped. The tears were pouring and the nurses were handing me kleenex. I was shocked!

I've never been so happy to be so wrong! And the good news kept coming. The heartbeat was fast and strong. The baby was growing exactly the right size to the day! This was important because one of the signs that the blood clot, or separation as they now refer to it as, is causing harm is that the baby's growth rate diminishes. The size of the separation (of the placenta from the uterus) did increase slightly from 1.5 cm to 2.5 cm. But the size of the placenta has also increased, and there is still much attached. The doctors were not too concerned because I have not been bleeding and just reinforced that I stay on strict bedrest.

And can I just tell you how much easier it is to be on bedrest when you are not nauseous and sick to your very core? I feel like a new woman. At least now I have the energy to do other things. I picked up some books and am able to read now. I downloaded some games to my iPhone to keep my brain working. The girls can come in and jump around on my bed, without it making me queasy. It's much more bearable. The nausea does seem to come and go, just as the Nurse Practioner said it would. Some days are better than others.

And so I ask you to continue to pray for our little one. We need the separation to heal and for any blood clots to absorb. I need to rest in God's peace, and stay off my feet as much as possible.

We've had lots of meals delivered to the house and offers to run errands. We still have help in the mornings for another week, until Emily returns to college. And I have a couple of good friends that call everyday to cheer me up and check up on me. We are SO thankful for all the support. And most of all for your prayers.

Thankfully,

Desert Song

2009-01-16T23:00:00.000-08:00

The Testimony

If you're short on time, skip to the bottom and just listen to the song. If you've got just a minute, you must hear this amazing inspirational story. Jill McCloghry suffered the imaginable just days before the recording and taping of the brand new Hillsong album, This is Our God, including this song "Desert Song."

While it would have been easy to turn inward, she decided to turn her pain into praise, and went ahead and recorded the album. What a painful, beautiful example for us all.

Desert Song

This is my prayer in the desert
And all that's within me feels dry
This is my prayer in the hunger in me
My God is a God who provides

And this is my prayer in the fire
In weakness or trial or pain
There is a faith proved
Of more worth than gold
So refine me Lord through the flames

And I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon forged against me shall remain

I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and He is here

And this is my prayer in the battle
And triumph is still on it's way
I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ
So firm on His promise I'll stand

All of my life
In every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship

This is my prayer in the harvest
When favor and providence flow
I know I'm filled to be emptied again
The seed I've recieved I will sow

The Song

*Jill McCloghry sings "Desert Song" with Brooke Fraser

Looking at the Bright Side

2009-01-15T15:30:00.000-08:00

Last week I said I had been "sentenced to bedrest." And while sentenced is none too harsh of a word, I thought today I would focus on the bright side. Welcome to Thankful Thursday, bright side style.

I am thankful for bedrest because it gives me time to catch up on making home made birthday thank you cards with Madeline.

I am thankful for bedrest because it allows me to do something that mothers of young children rarely have time to do by themselves (and I'm not talking about going to the bathroom),

nails painted and not one smudge from moving too soon!

I am thankful for bedrest because when my girls do this

I have a wonderful helper to assist in the cleanup (thanks Emily!)

I am thankful for bedrest because it gives me more time for this

hot creme brulee tea and time in God's Word. (Disclaimer: not the normal state of the desk. If my husband saw how uncluttered it was, he would be screaming "fraud!")

And I am thankful for bedrest because I have more time to finish projects such as printing off this encouraging Scripture verse from Lori's blog and actually getting it in a frame.

Blessings,

Today Iris was thankful for fulfilled dreams. What are you thankful for? For more words of inspiration visit her at Grace Alone....

Unfailing Love

2009-01-14T18:05:00.000-08:00

A few months ago I shared that we chose a life verse for each of our girls. A verse that simply expresses something God has laid on our hearts for their life. I'm still working on my project to somehow display each of their verses in their rooms. For Olivia we chose Isaiah 54:9-10,

To me this is like the days of Noah, when I swore that the waters of Noah would never again cover the earth. So now I have sworn not to be angry with you, never to rebuke you again. Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed," says the LORD, who has compassion on you."

Olivia's name is derived from the olive branch, which is a symbol of peace and is mentioned in the story of Noah. We love this promise for her that nothing in life can change the unfailing love of her God or take away His promise for peace.

For more inspiring Word Filled Wednesday, visit Amy

While I'm Waiting

2009-01-09T22:37:00.000-08:00

I had a different song set to post as part of today's Then Sings My Soul, but God was really working on my heart and I felt I had to share this song instead.

I've been so encouraged by each of the emails, comments and PRAYERS you all have left. They have helped keep me in the right place, which is closer and closer to my loving Father. I have been praying that I would feel His peace. I'm craving it.

Tonight in the middle of family movie night, I started to have noticable pain in my abdomen and I got so distracted and worried about what it may mean. To be completely transparent, I think my desire for this baby (that in my worry I was working so hard not to get attached to) was stopping me from resting in that peace that I desire so much.

I realized what I had to do. I had to hand over my desires, and even my plans for this tiny baby's life, to the God who created us. Just as I have with each of my other kids. Only then will I be able to rest in His perfect peace.

This last summer when we lost our baby, I was able to bring glory to God through my response afterward. But this time I have the opportunity to bring Him glory in the midst of it. It's a challenge, for sure, but I can only pray that God enables me to accomplish it.

A friend recently shared part of a quote by Elisabeth Elliot, ""Waiting requires patience - a willingness calmly to accept what we have or have not...." And I've been thinking about that. Am I willing to accept whatever God has for me and for this baby? And can I do it calmly, without being rendered useless by all the worry?

I heard this song, While I'm Waiting, on Debra's playlist, and I cannot stop listening to it. What a message it sent straight to my heart. This is what I want my life to be during this time - an offering of praise to the living God.

I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait

I will move ahead, bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience

While I'm waiting
I will serve You
While I'm waiting
I will worship
While I'm waiting
I will not faint
I'll be running the race
Even while I wait

I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it's not easy
But faithfully, I will wait
Yes, I will wait

I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve you while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting on You, Lord

For more songs that inspire, visit Amy.

Essential Oils Giveaway

2009-01-09T00:01:00.000-08:00

(Artwork designed by Lori at I will take it Lord, all you have to give.)

When the girls had their MRSA ordeal this summer, I "stumbled upon" Jen and her amazing resource of essential oils. I had heard of oils before but was uncertain how to really use them in our everyday life.

The more we researched and begged God for direction during that scary time, the more I kept reading about the effectiveness of essential oils against MRSA (a potentially life-threatening antibiotic resistant staph infection) and other drug-resistant strains of infection.

Oils for Wellness happened to have a giveaway posted through CWO and I got in touch with her. She not only sent me samples to try (since Madeline is allergic to most everything), so I wouldn't have to buy something we couldn't use, but she sent emails everytime she found something that was useful for our situation. She became an excellent resource.

I credit those essential oils with clearing up the stubborn and resistant infections that invaded Madeline's system. She was too allergic to handle the antibiotics, so we ended up using the oils long term. Eventually, we didn't need them anymore.

Jen is having another giveaway on her site. This is for an aromatherapy sampler of 9 essential oils! I just ordered this set last month and it worked wonders on calming Olivia down before bed time and relieving pain my husband was having from his accident.

Simply leave a comment to be entered. Random drawing is on Jan 31. There are only a few comments today, so your chances are good. This is a wonderful, practical resource! Head on over....

Thankful for a Miracle

2009-01-08T12:18:00.000-08:00

I'm happy to be joining Thankful Thursday again. I have something I want to share, that I am incredibly thankful for. But I want to be sensitive to those of you that I have connected with because of our shared loss. I have been so encouraged by the stories of women who have dealt with infertility and who have lost babies of their own. I hope my story only continues to encourage you that God is bigger than what we can see.

If you've read my story of infertility, you know what we have faced. After my diagnosis of severe endometriosis, it appeared that we would only become pregnant after surgery, which has happened twice. And even then the doctors give us a slim 0.5% chance of conceiving.

Today, I am overwhelmingly grateful for the little miracle God has blessed us with, in spite of the doctor's diagnosis, and without surgery.

Although our intentions were to wait until we were well into the second trimester to share our news, a complication changed our minds. This little one is 8 weeks and could use some prayers. The same ultrasound that confirmed there was indeed excellent growth and a strong heartbeat, was the same to show that there is a large, threatening blood clot. It could be something old, although it was not detected in an ultrasound just 2 weeks ago, or it could be the placenta trying to separate from the uterus.

The doctor sentenced me to bedrest/no lifting, with the hope that the blood clot will reabsorb or the separation will heal. Incredibly, my husband is also recovering from double wrist surgery and has a 1 lb weight limit at the moment. I also have severe aversions to smells, mostly anything fragranced or edible. And I get extremely nauseaus when I eat, so I haven't been. The doctor said this was not helpful to the pregnancy and we are looking into a couple options to help with that as well.

Again, we seem to be in a battle to keep this baby, but that's the way it always is around here. Please pray for our little one (and for us). The pain of our last loss is still strong. In spite of that, we know who our God is and we put our lives, and the life of this very tiny baby, in His hands.

Today Iris was thankful for God's word and she shared this verse. Little did she know how meaningful it would become to me.

“This is my comfort in my affliction, that your promise gives me life.” ~ Psalm 119:50 (ESV)

Blessings,

Today Iris was thankful for God's word. What are you thankful for? For more words of inspiration visit her at Sting My Heart....

Promises for the New Year

2009-01-07T00:01:00.000-08:00

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

I ran across an article the other day, in which the author was particularly excited about some Chinese fortunes they had acquired. They went to the trouble of saving them and framing them, putting much hope and expectation into what they promised.

I thought about how blessed we are to have the promises of God's Word to get us through the difficult passages of life - and how glad I am that I don't have to rely on the luck of a fortune cookie to tell me what my future holds.

For more inspiring Word Filled Wednesday, visit Amy

Resolutions - Looking Forward to Newness

2009-01-05T11:10:00.000-08:00

Today's Topic: Regrets and Resolutions

Today's Host: LauraLee at LauraLee's Lifesong

LauraLee writes, "The New Year is a time for us to let go of the past and look forward to newness. Everyone thinks about that differently." She poses these questions for us to think about:

1. What is your favorite "resolution" in the Bible?

2. Do you do a New Year's resolution? Why or why not? Does your family make a resolution together?

3. Usually a resolution comes as a result of regretting something you didn't do the year before. How do you let go of the regret and move forward?

4. Have you ever made a resolution in the past that you didn't keep and wish you had?

One of my favorite resolutions in the Bible is Psalm 92:1-2. "It is good to give thanks to the Lord, to sing praises to the Most High. It is good to proclaim your unfailing love in the morning, your faithfulness in the evening," It is something I have worked on throughout last year, giving God thanks and praise everyday, no matter my circumstances.

To be completely honest, I've never been much of a resolution-maker. A year-long list maker, yes; a once-a-year goal maker, no.

But I've also never quite looked forward to a New Year like I have this year. I was looking for a concrete point where we could put the craziness of the past year behind us and start fresh.

While I haven't decided on any detailed resolutions, I did have a few ideas. Resolutions seem to flow from our priorities. So for the New Year, I want to consider some of my personal, marital and family priorities.

First off, I want to review our Family Vision, as a family. I want to see where we got off track and where we've accomplished what we set out to do.

Secondly, by accident, it seems my husband and I somehow got on the same page, and we're getting our house in order. He's wrapping up the loose ends of incomplete home improvement projects (don't ask how since he still has a 1 lb weight limit from his double broken wrists) and I'm getting rid of the unneccessary around here (clearing out closets, cupboards, craft rooms). Getting rid of the excess appears to be a common goal.

Thirdly, I want to continue to put some serious energy into our marriage. I'm thinking the Love Dare book that I did not complete last year. Or maybe another round of the 30-Day Encouragement Challenge.

Lastly, I want to be purposeful in my relationship with God. I want to guard the time I have to spend with Him, not fill up my days so that I am too busy, and really dig in this year. I want to hear what God has to say and dig into His word even more. Last year was a year of pruning and taking away, this year I want to bear some fruit!

To start, I found a list of questions over at Ashley's that were helpful in taking spirtual inventory. She says, "Even those most faithful to God occasionally need to pause and think about the direction of their lives. It's so easy to bump along from one busy week to another without ever stopping to ponder where we're going and where we should be going. The beginning of a new year is an ideal time to stop, look up, and get our bearings. To that end, here are some questions to ask prayerfully in the presence of God."

1. What's one thing you could do this year to increase your enjoyment of God?

2. What's the most humanly impossible thing you will ask God to do this year?

3. What's the single most important thing you could do to improve the quality of your family life this year?

4. In which spiritual discipline do you most want to make progress this year, and what will you do about it?

5. What is the biggest time-waster in your life, and what will you do about it this year?

6. What is the most helpful new way you could strengthen your church?

7. For whose salvation will you pray most fervently this year?

8. What's the most important way you will, by God's grace, try to make this year different from last year?

9. What one thing could you do to improve your prayer life this year?

10. What single thing that you plan to do this year will matter most in ten years? In eternity?

Blessings in the New Year,

....What She Said

2009-01-04T22:30:00.000-08:00

Last month was a doozy. So many things happened at once, I wasn't sure if I should laugh or cry myself into hysterics. (And I didn't even tell you the one about the "lady" at my husband's work party, who obviously didn't see me with my hands full of children at the buffet trying to stick their hands in the food warmer burners or snatching highly allergic foods off the platters, who allowed me to travel approximately 2 feet away before she proceeded to deliver an exceptionally loud [and long] diatribe announcing how I walked past her without saying Hello and how glad she is that she doesn't have to "deal with me" but once a year). And here's where, yet again, I desperately wish that I could think of a clever retort in the moment. But alas, it is not my gifting.

In spite of everything, I found this one thought persitantly making itself heard: whining or complaining was not going to make anything change for the better. I was not in control of the situation, but I certainly controlled my reaction.

And so I attempted to talk about the glass half full. I laughed. I searched high and low for the irony in it all. And I tried to find some lessons in whatever the Crisis-of-the-Day happened to be. (Note: Lesson #1, be sure to say hello to women prone to long and blustery speeches.)

I'd been composing in my head a very thoughtful post about the choice we have to recognize God's hand in things or freak out about them, when I found this Internet Cafe devotion in my Inbox (thanks to Sue, at Praise and Coffee).

I could not write what I had been pondering without being accused of plaguerism by those of you who also enjoy Internet Cafe devotions. I had no choice but to direct you to Sue and simply write, "what she said."

Enjoy!

Oh, the Glory of It All

2009-01-03T10:05:00.000-08:00

This song spoke to me a few weeks ago in church and reminded me that through each event in our life, God is capable of bringing glory to His name - no matter how impossible that may seem to us.

At the start
he was there, he was there
In the end,
he’ll be there, he’ll be there

And After all our hands have wrought
He forgives

Oh the Glory of it all is:
he came here
For the rescue of us all
that we may live
for the glory of it all
for the glory of it all

All is lost
find him there, find him there
After night
Dawn is there, Dawn is there

After all falls apart
he repairs he repairs

Oh the Glory of it all is:
he came here
for the rescue of us all
that we may live
for the glory of it all

After night
comes the light
dawn is here
dawn is here
it’s a new day
it’s a new day
everything will change
things will never be the same
we will never be the same

Oh, The glory of it all is
you came here
for the rescue of us all
that we may live
for the glory of it all

Oh you are here
with redemption for us all
that we may live
for the glory of it all
for the glory of it all
oh the glory of it all

For more songs that inspire, visit Amy.

My Chistmas Gift to Me

2009-01-02T10:34:00.000-08:00

Each year, when the stockings are filled, my husband tries his best to find special treats to put in my stocking. He doesn't necessarily enjoy it, but he knows I do, so he sacrificially makes that extra trip each year when he realizes he has forgotton. When I told him this year that I had my own stocking covered, you could almost see R-E-L-I-E-F spelled across his face.

For some time now, I have been trying to figure out a way to honor the baby boy we lost to miscarriage. I finally decided I was going to find what is called Mother's jewelry - a piece that in some way symbolizes each of your children. In our case, our two girls, and the baby we lost.

After searching long and hard, my dear friend Joy found this site, Queen Bee Designs by Amanda. She had the perfect necklace (and the perfect price). It came the day before Christmas, just in time to make its way into my stocking. I eagerly opened it on Christmas morning and instantly adored it!

This is the Three's A Charm design. The large disc is imprinted with Olivia's name, the medium disc with Madeline's name and the small disc is blank on the front, but has the baby's due date imprinted on the back. It was Amanda's idea to put the charm on the front so the small disc would blend better. She was so sensitive and thoughtful, and a delight to work with.

I'm normally not a big jewelry-wearer, but I've worn this every chance I get. In some strange way, this necklace has brought a little sliver of peace, that somehow helps lessen my grief. Maybe its a tangible assurance that our baby will not be forgotten.

The holidays were harder than I expected, with rogue thoughts of "I should have an 8 month pregnant belly" popping up unexpectedly. I guess in my naivety, I didn't think I would still be feeling the loss this strong for so long. It's a peculiar combination, the healing of moving on and the pain of remembering.

We have a little flip calendar in our bathroom, a verse a day kind of thing. And the verses of the last 2 days, were a good representation of that combination to me:

Psalm 23:4 "Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou are with me; thy rod and they staff they comfort me." (The remembering.)

Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." (The moving on.)

Both represent that wonderful hope that I have in trusting God's promise to comfort me and protect me. Beautiful promises to hang onto in the New Year!

No "Christmas Letter 2008"

2008-12-31T15:34:00.000-08:00

After college, I moved across the country to volunteer as a missionary in the inner city. I got used to writing letters to family, friends and supporters to let them know how things were going. After I got married, a Christmas letter seemed the perfect way to update far-away family and friends to the going-ons of our life. Some letters have been sentimental, some clever, each building on this tradition I always look forward to. This year the letter will simply be absent.

It's just been "one of those years."

I wouldn't know how to begin to recap all that has happened to our family this year. While I am careful to give God glory for everything He has accomplished in our family through our struggles, a letter this year seems like it would be more of a Who's Who of family catastrophies.

Speaking of which, have you noticed my absence these past few weeks? Let's just say that the holidays didn't go exactly as planned.

The day after Madeline's 2nd birthday party, the first week of December, my husband proceeded to fall off a ladder at work and miraculously only broke both of his wrists. (I say miraculous because every nurse and doctor we came in contact with was faithful to make us aware how blessed he was to have sustained such minor injuries from his type of fall.) This required double surgery, physical therapy, and lots of help from his wife. I am pleased to note, as the year comes to a close, that we are happy he is again able to drive to work, dress himself and finally semi-wrestle with the girls. And that he retained his sense of humor.

A couple days following, my daughter stepped on a toothpick, and we were undecided about whether it actually broke off inside. A trip to the Urgent Care on Christmas Eve confirmed that it had indeed taken up residence in the arch of her foot, making the holidays even that much more exciting. A stop by the peditricians office this week and a minor surgical procedure hopefully did the trick.

The following week, the Southern California desert that we call home, got hit with a rare and freakish snowstorm. Our neighborhood was dumped with 8 inches that day! Beautiful indeed. Nonetheless, being the "desert" that it is, the city was unequipped to deal with the snow and announced the closure of every freeway into and out of town. I happened to be out of town and was unable to get home for 2 days. I was grateful to have my in-laws home to stay in, as many were forced to spend that time in their cars on the side of the road.

So, while we may not have been able to put together our Gingerbread House, and although our Christmas cards may have been a bit late, and even though we didn't make it to Christmas Eve service (our favorite tradition!), somehow those things lost their utmost importance.

As we reflect on the past year, we take note of the good and the bad. It has been a year of non-traditions for sure. But ultimately, we find ourselves grateful for our health, our jobs, God's provisions, God's protection, and the time we have together as a family, which in essence overrides all the struggles, pain, family estrangements and inconveniences this year brought our way.

We look forward to what God has in store for each of us in 2009. We anticipate getting closer to God as a family and seeking what it is He would have us do with the next year.

May the Peace of the season be yours! Love, Rebecca

Standing for Your Marriage

2008-11-16T22:31:00.000-08:00

Today's Topic: Standing for Your Marriage

Today's Host: Chelsey at Joyfully Living

Chelsey has a great post today. If you get a chance, stop by and read it for yourself. She asks us the following:

What does commitment in marriage mean?

What kind of wife are we called
to be to our husbands?

What are ways that we can Biblically stand for
our marriage?

When I first got married, commitment meant, "for better or for worse." As in, you don't give up or walk out, no matter how hard it gets. And although that definition stays true, for me after almost 7 years, it has acquired new depth.

Commitment to something means to bind yourself to a course of action, or pledge to do something in the future. But in marriage, is commitment really just sticking with it, as in not leaving? Or does it require more? Can you still "give up" without actually getting divorced?

What if standing or fighting for our marriage was not even about something as difficult as infidelity or an unsaved husband? What if the issue was just something as mundane as not feeling cherished, or important? Or not agreeing on an important decision? Or something as simple as not feeling heard? These issues can create a crevice over time that seems irreparable.

When I think of those committed to a cause, I think of people doing everything they can to "make it happen." That's the kind of commitment I want to have in my marriage. Not just the "I'm in it for the long haul" commitment, but the "I will do everything I can to make the most of this relationship" commitment.

The kind of wife I feel God calling me to be is one who honors her husband by submitting to his leadership, supporting him in his role as leader, not undermining him when I think I know more. A wife who makes her husband feel respected by being slow to speak and listening twice as much, who asks for his advice instead of rushing into things on her own. A wife who allows her husband to hear from God and exercise his right to decide what is best for our family.

Mostly, I feel God challenging me to be a wife who honors her husband whether or not he responds the way I think he should. I want to extend love, even if I'm not getting as much attention as I want. I want to listen to hear what he has to say, even if I have to repeat myself often. That's real God-honoring commitment.

Maybe you don't have the same struggles in your marriage that I do. But I find these things really hard to remember sometimes. And even when I do remember, sometimes it's hard to find the resolve in myself to do the right thing. So that's why I have to go to the Word (like I had to today) and remind myself of what God wants to see in me. And let the Holy Spirit fill me with godly resolve to become the kind of wife God designed me to be.

There are a few ways I can align myself with God's word to take a stand for my marriage. The one that God is working on in my heart recently is to humble myself. Phillipians 2 tells us how to embrace humility like Christ. I've never understood this passage better than in the light of my marriage relationship:

"Is there any encouragement from belonging to Christ? Any comfort from his love? Any fellowship together in the Spirit? Are your hearts tender and compassionate?

Then make me truly happy by agreeing wholeheartedly with each other, loving one another, and working together with one mind and purpose.

Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too.

You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had.

Though he was God, he did not think of equality with God as something to cling to. Instead, he gave up his divine privileges; he took the humble position of a slave and was born as a human being. When he appeared in human form,he humbled himself in obedience to God and died a criminal’s death on a cross.

Therefore, God elevated him to the place of highest honor and gave him the name above all other names, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father."

When I humble myself, bowing down before God in an act of sacrifice and worship, it gets me out of the way so God can do a lasting work in my marriage.

Right now I am practicing these things in my marriage through the Love Dare book. I hope this can help me identify ways to make humility and service a godly habit in our relationship.

Snapshots

2008-11-10T21:02:00.000-08:00

This week's At the Well topic is a little bit different. One of the advantages that women of long ago had in meeting at the well, was the friendships and community that was developed. So today, Chelsea is hosting "Getting to Know You."

She wants us to share a glimpse into our lives. Old friends, no need to read any further - I'm sure you've heard it all before.

I'm a first born. I have a younger sister, followed by 2 younger brothers (the youngest is 9 yrs younger).

As a little girl, I remember lots of family and lots of church. I am blessed with a rich, godly heritage!

I've always loved studying, school and academics. Typical over-achiever (also reads pleaser).

I love to read. Missionary stories are my favorites.

In jr. high I was passionate about being either a lawyer or a missionary. I pursued the latter.

I've always been an "old soul." I was old beyond my years and often preferred to hang out with teachers instead of students.

I got my bachelor's degree in Cross-Cultural Communications, with my heart set on foreign missions. I interned at an inner-city church in Detroit, MI.

I briefly substituted as an elementary music teacher for a semester, to pay off the bulk of my student loans.

I am musically inclined. God often speaks to my heart through music. I love to play the piano but we don't have one right now.

I journeyed from the midwest to work in an inner-city mission in Los Angeles, the Dream Center (can anyone say culture shock?). I itinerated and raised support, going as a full-time volunteer and missionary.

During that time, I got a taste of all kinds of ministry: administrative, outreach, discipleship, worship leader, children's ministry, piano teacher, speaking in churches, feeding the homeless, bringing in prostitutes off the streets. Uh-mazing!

I was very focused and did not date unless I knew the man was pursuing missions (so, pretty much I did not date).

Then I met my husband at the Dream Center. He was working in construction. :) He owns a construction company that has supported and built for missionaries all over the world. Not the way I saw it happening, but what God had in mind all along.

During our courtship, I pursued a teaching credential while I taught Kindergarten. It was a low income area and the kids were very needy. I thrived there.

We got married and honeymooned on the island of Barbados -- had a beautiful destination wedding with the ocean as our backdrop.

Immediately, I got a beautiful brown miniature dachshund named Ginger, to compliment Troy's distinguished German Shepherd. They were best of friends. Ginger was a hunter and would stealthily sneak up on birds, and kill them. She also had a bad habit of licking people's mouths. She was adopted out to my brother, who did not have children at the time.

I would say I'm a crafty person, dabbling a little in painting, crochet and numerous Do-it-yourself projects.

I stopped teaching when I learned I had a pituitary brain tumor and was told we could not get pregnant because the tumor would grow and become life threatening.

6 months later, I was healed. The doctors assured me this was impossible, but the MRI's showed differently. Praise God.

Eventually, we were told I needed chemotherapy before I got pregnant - but surprise! I already was. More complications and we were told we would lose the baby. The doctor even scheduled a D&C, which we refused. After 5 months of bedrest, Olivia Faith was born without complications.

My entire family moved across the country to the town where my husband and I live. My sister and her family, my brother and his new wife, my parents and my youngest brother when he finished college. We are currently all living in the same city and that's amazing!

I love to drink tea, especially out of a china cup. Fancy tea house? I'm there!

I was diagnosed with severe endometriosis, requiring surgery. I have an extremely low tolerance to pain. Or as I like to say, I'm just very sensitive. I was so scared, I wrote out a will.

I began to volunteer in a Christian crisis pregnancy center. They needed a childbirth instructor, so I became Lamaze certified in order to teach classes for free at their center.

My husband and I know we will be in our town long term (even though it is quite transient). So he built a beautiful home created for ministry and outreach. He is an incredibly talented man, but doesn't realize it. He is also a bit of a modern day adventurer.

I am a girly, girl. I enjoy getting dressed up, doing my hair, makeup and nails. My husband appreciates it too, so we are a good fit. I am determined this year to master the "Smoky Eye." I can also get dirty: spend our vacation in the sand dunes, play a few sports, I love being outside.

After surgery, and being told we were infertile, we became pregnant again. When Olivia was 2 and 1/2, after 3 months of bedrest, we had Madeline Joy.

Madeline had extreme issues from the day she was born. We later found the root to be severe allergies (mostly to environmental chemicals, fragrances, preservatives, etc). When she was born, no one could hold her without a special barrier between them and her skin or she would break out immediately. Often her lungs would shut down in a reaction to some unknown substance and we would end up in the ER.

We met a natural Christian doctor when she was 4 months old and we were at our wits end, who diagnosed and successfully helped us cope with her allergies. She was GOD-sent! Madeline has made great improvements over the past year and a half. Her allergies are predictable and manageable, with extreme caution and effort.

We are ALL much healthier and much more aware of what is in our home, our food, our environment. Out of necessity, we've Gone Green, so to speak. Although, I have struggled to limit my Starbucks Pumpkin Spice Lattes. If I was a superhero, this would be my weakness.

We planted our first garden this year, mostly so we had our own supply of fresh foods without pesticides so Madeline could eat them. We live in the desert and were SHOCKED by the way it took off. We had more food than we knew what to do with. I can't wait to start next year's garden, and have been getting advice from my Grandparents on how to can food to save it for the next winter.

My sister and I accidentally started a baby boutique, Sweet Poppi Baby Boutique. We both had little ones and didn't want to pay boutique prices for boutique baby items (picture incredibly soft, luxurious baby blankets). So I took a sewing class and we started sewing them ourselves. Requests from friends overwhelmed us, and we started a website to sell our things.

We've been able to bless various ministries by donating to auctions and raffles and moms in need. We purposely keep our prices low; 1) because we do not want to be greedy and 2) as a way to bless other moms who want pretty things but can't always afford them.

I love photography and pictures....someday I will pursue this a little further. For now, I leave the amazing picture taking up to my sister.

This year has been a year of simplifying and pruning. I struggled with endometriosis again, and had to pull out of ministry. I needed another surgery (no will this time). Afterwards, the doctor gave us a 0.5% chance of getting pregnant. 4 weeks later we were pregnant - another miracle! At 12 weeks, I miscarried and God welcomed our son into heaven.

Being a journal-er at heart, I started my blog around this time. I wanted record of what God was going to do (because I believed He would bring good) through this horrific circumstance.

Our struggle with infertility has caused us to depend on God in such a deep, emotional way. He's given us three miracle pregnancies. We continue to trust Him completely.

My love for the Bible was renewed this summer and my relationship with God has been transformed. As has our marriage. God has been doing an incredible work in our family.

God has allowed me to get involved in a new ministry at our church that reaches out to young, mostly unwed, teenage mothers. Most of how I help can be done from home. I am thrilled to see what God is going to do and grateful for an opportunity that does not take away from my time with my family.

I have some incredible friendships, a few in town but most have moved out of state. I travel across the country, with the girls, a few times a year to see my dearest friends.

Obviously I've struggle with my health, but I also struggle to keep my words to a few, to feel confident to set up boundaries and say No, to be patient with my girls when I'm lacking sleep. All areas God is working on in me.

I realize I left out much of the negative. I have had my share of heartache, mistakes, drama, abuse and hard times -- God has brought me through each and every time. And continues to be faithful to His promise to redeem it all.

That's quite a few glimpses. I think you get the idea.

Blessings,

Three Stranded Rope

2008-10-28T23:53:00.000-07:00

"And if somebody overpowers one person, two can resist him. A cord of three strands is not easily broken." Ecclesiastes 4:12

In this picture, from left to right, is Faith, Olivia Faith and Olivia. No, I didn't stutter. And they used to all refer to each other as "Two Wawa" (as in two Olivias).

We go to a large church. When I saw an announcement in the bulletin for twin girls just 3 months older than my baby, who were named Faith and Olivia, I knew I wanted to meet the mom who chose the same names I did for my daughter, Olivia Faith.

Never would I have guessed that when I finally did meet her, when our girls were 3 years old, that she would become a God-sent friend to us. Crystal (a.k.a. Dr. Crystal) was the one who eventually led us in the natural direction that helped us deal with our youngest daughter's medical issues, including her severe allergic reactions.

The three girls have become fast friends, not to mention their mothers. How could they not? It almost seemed "meant to be." I just love how God puts people in our paths.

For more inspiring Word Filled Wednesday, visit Amy

Just an Ordinary Day

2008-10-27T17:41:00.001-07:00

Today's Topic:

Arise and Shine: Being an Exceptional Mother in the Midst of the Ordinary

Today's Hostess:
Lisa at A Second Generation of Homeschooling

Lisa has this to share about homeschool mothers, but any mother I know, homeschooling or not, can relate:

"Homeschool mothers can most assuredly relate to the feelings that come from drudgery. The days are long and tedious. The success that comes of the toil sometimes goes unseen for months, maybe even years. Our lives seem downright plain and ordinary. Our work goes unnoticed. Our existence remains unobserved. Life can become commonplace. Where do we go from here? How can we keep going from day to day?"

She asks us the following questions:
1. What daily tasks seem mundane or monotonous to you?
2. How can we change our outlook when completing these tasks?
3. What impact do these tasks have on our husband and children? How does it make a difference in their lives?
4. Is it okay to focus on earthly recognition when completing these tasks for our loved ones, or is receiving an eternal reward sufficient? Which does Jesus think is more important? Shouldn’t that be our focus, as well?

Today I'm keeping it simple. There are a lot of "mundane tasks" that need to be done around here, and my blogging time needs to be short.

I want to share briefly about recognition and motives in our daily lives because God has done a work in me this year in this area.

I have the privilege of getting to stay at home with my kids. I have since I was pregnant with the first. I always knew I wanted to stay at home once I had children. I also pictured myself very involved and active in church, ministry and volunteer work.

And that's what I set out to do. I volunteered for local ministries, completed additional certification classes, became involved in Bible studies, moms groups and hosting ministries at our home. I started an at-home business with my sister.

I kept busy.

And then in January, something changed. The best way I can describe it was I had a constant lack of peace. I always felt overwhelemed, underaccomplished and scattered. I didn't feel I was being an attentive wife, an involved mom or a productive volunteer. My household duties felt like burdens and a day where I didn't load my kids into the car for one reason or another was hard to come by.

The light bulb moment was when I got sick and was thankful that I had an "excuse" to stay at home and enjoy my family. At that moment, I knew my priorities had been turned upside down.

As I began to make changes and learned to refuse different opportunities, I was surprised by the backlash. God really used that time to prune out the things that didn't bear fruit, including church activities and friendships. I was criticized, belittled and accused because I made a choice to spend the majority of my time in my home, taking care of my family, instead of in service to others. I was even told I was not in God's will because the most important thing to Him was that I go outside of my home to bring people to the Lord and that I was a example of selfishness to my children.

It's been a year of pruning and loss. But I feel lighter, because I'm not carrying around more than God designed for me. The mundane chores and household responsibilities are not overwhelming anymore. There is satisfaction in having the time to do them well. Overall I feel closer to God, more at peace and balanced as a family.

I received this story in an email today and thought you might like to read it. I wish I knew who to give the credit to, but it was one of those anonymous forwards. True story or not, it really speaks to the heart of a mother.

"Invisible Mother"

It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the way one of the kids will walk into the room while I'm on the phone and ask to be taken to the store.

Inside I'm thinking, 'Can't you see I'm on the phone?'

Obviously, not.

No one can see if I'm on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all.

I'm invisible. The invisible Mom. Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more: Can you fix this? Can you tie this? Can you open this?

Some days I'm not a pair of hands; I'm not even a human being. I'm a clock to ask, 'What time is it?' I'm a satellite guide to answer, 'What number is the Disney Channel?' I'm a car to order, 'Right around 5:30, please.'

I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the eyes that studied history and the mind that graduated sum a cum laude - but now they had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be seen again. She's going; she's going; she's goooooooone!

One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a friend from England. Janice had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in.

I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put together so well. It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself.

I was feeling pretty pathetic, when Janice turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package, and said, 'I brought you this.'

It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe.

I wasn't exactly sure why she'd given it to me until I read her inscription:

'To Charlotte, with admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees.'

In the days ahead I would read - no, devour - the book. And I would discover what would become for me four life-changing truths, after which I could pattern my work:

No one can say who built the great cathedrals - we have no record of their names.

These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished.

They made great sacrifices and expected no credit.

The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything.

A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny bird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, 'Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof? No one will ever see it.' And the workman replied, 'Because God sees.'

I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place.

It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, 'I see you, Charlotte. I see the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does. No act of kindness you've done, no sequin you've sewn on, no cupcake you've baked, is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building a great cathedral, but you can't see right now what it will become.'

At times, my invisibility feels like an affliction. But it is not a disease that is erasing my life.

It is the cure for the disease of my own self-centeredness. It is the antidote to my strong, stubborn pride.

I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. As one of the people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be on.

The writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime because there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree.

When I really think about it, I don't want my son to tell the friend he's bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, 'My Mom gets up at 4 in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes a turkey for three hours and presses all the linens for the table.' That would mean I'd built a shrine or a monument to myself. I just want him to want to come home. And then, if there is anything more to say to his friend, to add, 'you're gonna love it there.'

As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if we're doing it right.

And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible women.

Great Job, MOM!

"Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see."
Hebrews 11:1

Blessings,

Team Hoyt - Father and Son

2008-10-25T00:01:00.000-07:00

My Redeemer Lives
Nicole C. Mullen

Who taught the sun where to stand in the morning
And Who told the ocean you an only come this far?
And Who showed the moon where to hide 'til evening?
Whose words alone can catch a falling star?

Well I know my Redeemer lives
I know my Redeemer lives
Let all creation testify
This life within me cries I know my Redeemer lives

As I watched this video, I could hear myself having one of those very personal conversations with God. (And as such, certain details will remain nameless.)

"Lord, I'm inspired. And if I could ask for anything, I would want to do such and such. But I know it is near impossible."

And as unfeasbile as it would seem to everyone else, including me, God's reply would be

"My daughter, you desire what? Well, here's what I can do. I made the heavens and the earth. I can move mountains. I can fulfill the desires of your heart for my glory. While it may seem inconceivable, I will accomplish it in you. Trust in Me."

And then I would be reminded that because my satisfaction, my happiness and my contentment are found in Him alone, He has given me the desires of my heart. If He has placed them there, how could they be preposterous? Would He not fulfill the work He Himself started in my heart?

"Delight yourself in the LORD, and He shall give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the LORD, trust also in Him, and He shall bring it to pass." ~ Psalm 37:4,5

What is the impossible in your life?

For more songs that inspire, visit Amy.

The Challenge Outcome

2008-10-22T21:53:00.000-07:00

Today I am thankful for the work God is doing in my marriage. I started the 30-Day encouragement challenge 2 months ago because of an At the Well post on building up your spouse.

Wow, how our marriage has been transformed! Or should I say, how hasn't it been transformed?

I knew it would take me a few months to get it down pat, so after I completed the first month, I started the challenge over. All the while, I did not tell him (my husband) exactly what I was doing. He noticed the changes and asked me about it often.

In the middle of the second month, Troy and I made a date night to see Fireproof at the theater. I had it in my head that I wanted to support a movie based on godly principles while it was in the theater, so the world would see that there is a market for wholesome and godly.

Without revealing the storyline, there is a key element in the movie very similiar to my 30-Day Encouragement Challenge. I was so excited, before I realized it I nudged my husband and said, That's what I am doing for you!

By the end of the movie, we were both equally stirred in our hearts. We had a wonderful, meaningful conversation on the way to dinner, about where our marriage was and where it was heading. We made new commitments to each other, with specific promises of what we would each try to do for the other person.

I'm not one to gush about a movie, but this is one that is worth taking the time for. Even if you have young kids. It's worth the trouble of finding and paying for a sitter. Consider it an investment in your marriage. If you live nearby, Troy and I will watch your kids so you can go see it. Yes, you heard me, free babysitting! We believe in it that much.

Slightly related, I am thankful for an encouragement I received from Peggy today at Amazing Grace ~ Mazes, Messes and Miracles. She wrote a note, passing on some blogging friendship awards to me that made me smile. Unfortunately, I could not access them at the time I was writing this or else I would share them with you.

Peggy also has, in the same post, a link for The World of Chelle, a discussion blog that is born from the book THE LOVE DARE which came from the movie, you guessed it, Fireproof. I was so encouraged when I read parts of it, that I made an extra stop today at the Bible bookstore to grab my own copy. I was just getting ready to start a 3rd month of the 30-Day Encouragement Challenge, so I decided to give this one a try instead.

Stay tuned and I will let you know if the outcome of my new challenge is as successful as the first challenge. I am believing it will be!

Blessings,

Today Iris was thankful for special friendships. What are you thankful for? For more words of inspiration visit her at Sting My Heart....

Recycled

2008-10-21T23:47:00.000-07:00

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ,
he is a new creation;
the old has gone, the new has come!"
2 Corinthians 5:17

Isn't it amazing that when God agrees to take on our messed up, garbage-filled lives and make us into new creations, that He knows exactly what has redeemable value and what needs to go immediately?

I'm forever grateful that God saw enough value in me to pull me out from the garbage and breathe new life into my soul. By the grace of God, I am a new creation!

For more inspiring Word Filled Wednesday, visit Amy.

Home Reflections

2008-10-20T08:46:00.000-07:00

Today's Topic:
Our Home is an extension of who we are.

Today's Hostess:
Natalie at I Am (not)

"They are to teach what is good, so that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands and children, to be sensible, pure, good homemakers, and submissive to their husbands, so that God's message will not be slandered." Titus 2

Natalie simply asks us, How does your home reflect who you are?

If you head over to Natalie's blog, you will no doubt agree that she was blessed with the creative gift of interior design and decorating. I, on the other hand, was not. Getting the house (or even a room) the way I like it, takes me way too much time and alot of hard thought.

In spite of my designing deficiencies, I feel that our home truly reflects who we are and what we value by what it is used for. Two and a half years ago, my husband and I were blessed to be able to build our own home. He works in the construction industry and did much of the actual designing and building himself. I admit, I had never fully valued his abilities until then. He built us an incredible home!

We collaborated alot during the design phase. We talked about our goals for our family, our future ministry, our kids, their friends. I think that is how our home reflects who we are. We especially felt if we were going to build a large home, it had to serve a higher purpose than just existing as a house for us. Because of my husband's business, we felt we would be in this city for quite some time. That being said, we designed our house with longevity and ministry in mind. I think pictures show it the best.

When you enter our home, the view is the Living Room. We designed this room, from the layout to the furniture, to be an open, comfortable area where we could entertain and host events or meetings for ministries, especially Bible studies. The blue couch belonged to my great-grandparents and reflects a special part of my family line.

In the dining room, we replaced our long table with a square one. It seemed to fit the room and foster conversations between all the guests better. This is also where I house all of my tea things. There is nothing like inviting a friend over for a playdate, getting out the fancy tea sets and serving her tea while the kids run around and play.

My bedroom reflects a love of reading and studying. We built a window seat, so I could read and still keep an eye on the kids while they play outside. We also put in a low table for writing and study supplies. My favorite spot is the oversized chaise lounge for cozy reading times.

The kitchen was made for fellowship. I made sure to have extra roomy aisles so as not to get grumpy when everyone is milling around while I am cooking. With chairs along the breakfast bar and connected to the Family Room, it's naturally a place people gravitate to.

The Guest Suite is my favorite. Our intention was to create a private retreat, with it's own outdoor access, to host traveling ministers, missionaries and out of town guests. We tried to create the feel of a fancy hotel room, even equipping one of the closets with options for a coffee maker and microwave.

Lastly, the kids playroom in the basement which has seen many playdates. Our goal is to keep an eye on our kids and their friends. We hope to host many get-togethers here. We pray that we can have the kind of house kids will want to come hang out at -- inviting and comfortable. And we hope this extends well into their teen years. They are young yet, so we started by creating a playroom that is interactive and organized for easy clean-up. Years down the road, we plan to turn it into an older game room, ping pong, lounging couches, etc.

What I hope our home reflects is a desire to serve, host and bless others. We want to use our home for ministry. We want to open it up and treat our guests special, with the intention that they feel as comfortable as if they were family.

There is just one thing missing in our home. We want to incorporate Scripture verses on the walls. One place is in the Kitchen, above the stove on the flat front of the hood. Another is to post the girls "life verses" in their rooms. And we also want to hang our family verse on a wall. This is one of my projects for the year. I will share new pictures when I get that completed!

To read more, head over to the well at Natalie's blog I Am (Not).

October 19-25th, 2008: National Infertility Awareness Week

2008-10-19T23:01:00.000-07:00

Today I am recognizing National Infertility Awareness Week, a movement to raise awareness about the disease of infertility which affects 7.3 million Americans.

My "About Me" says after overcoming a few obstacles, I am blessed to be a mother. My husband and I dealt with infertility from the moment we thought about starting a family. I met with my family doctor for a check-up, explaining we were going to try to get pregnant soon, and after a month of tests, found myself with a brain tumor diagnosis (pituitary tumor). To top it off, I was assured that if I got pregnant, the hormones would cause the tumor to grow rapidly.

Months later, after an MRI confirmed that God had indeed healed me, (the doctors assured me this was completely impossible), we sought advice from an infertility doctor who specialized in patients with pituitary tumors. During our first appointment she advised me to undergo a round of chemotherapy drugs. Immediately after that statement, she took a phone call from the nurse advising her we were already pregnant! The pregnancy was not without it's trials (including 4 months of bedrest due to preterm labor), but no ill effects from the tumor. Olivia Faith was born full-term and healthy.

Our story continues with another couple years of what is called secondary infertility, usually defined as the inability to conceive or carry a pregnancy to term after successfully and naturally conceiving one or more children. Many diagnoses were given, including severe endometriosis. One surgery later, and once again a natural pregnancy was confirmed by an infertility doctor. Another eventful pregnancy ensued (with more bedrest). And Madeline Joy was born full-term as well.

We again experienced secondary infertility, including one early miscarriage, due to the endometriosis. This time our infertility doctor gave us less than 0.5% chance of conceiving on our own. I was in need of another surgery. The next month he was dumbfounded, confirming that once again we were pregnant. Unfortunately, this time we lost our baby boy at 3 months.

Once again, we find ourselves in a season of secondary infertility. It's a tough place to be. The tug of war between my overwhelming desire to add to our family and the guilt I feel in appearing ungrateful for the children I have often keeps me from sharing anything at all.

This week seemed like a safe time to share my story, and a few facts I've learned along the way. From what I've read, Secondary infertility is often unrecognized as a problem, and many couples find it hard to receive support from their family and friends. Some couples are even criticized as seeming ungrateful for the child or children they already have.

The emotional impact of infertility is profound. Unless you have had a close encounter with it, you probably wouldn't begin to guess the ramifications. RESOLVE published an article, "Coping with Infertility" that had this to say:

From the shocking diagnosis and demanding treatment to the disruptive day-to-day experiences, this emotional assault can leave an infertile individual depressed, angry and guilt ridden. Of the eight types of loss researchers have identified which can lead to depression in the average man or woman, the infertile individual may experience them all: loss of self-esteem, status, important relationships, health or an acceptable body image, control, security, important fantasies and someone or something of symbolic value. The cumulative effect is profound, creating a life crisis that impacts a person's ability to cope and has no immediate or foreseeable resolution.

It goes on to say: Ultimately, many infertile women....feel the wound of infertility in every part of their being, and there are no simple remedies to ease such deep pain and extensive loss.

I agree that infertility is that intense. I've often said it is like grieving the death of a dream every month. But it's here that I would have to agree to disagree with the article. There is a simple remedy to ease my deep pain and my continued loss. It is my continued relationship with God. He is able to take my questions, my fears, my grief, my disappointments. In Matthew 11, Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.”

That doesn't mean I am not sad. I grieve the babies I've lost. And many months I grieve the lost dream of having another child. But even in my sadness, there is a promise that eases my pain and loss, Psalms 34, "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed." God has never been closer to our family than these last few months since we lost our baby boy. We are overwhelmed by His goodness towards us.

For those have journeyed the road of infertility, though our paths may never cross, this traveler holds you close in her heart. My prayers extend toward you this week.

For those who have never carried the burden of infertility, my hope is that you can reach out with understanding and compassion, and help carry the burden of a tired friend. You can't fix it, but you can lift her spirits.

Int...er...rupt...ed

2008-10-12T22:39:00.000-07:00

Today's Topic:
"Interruptions, Delays and Inconveniences"

Today's Hostess:
Lori at I will take it Lord, all You have to give

Titus 2 reminds us "...to be kind."

Today, Lori asks some great questions. In the face of day-to-day interruptions, delays and inconveniences, are we really as kind and open as we can be in our daily lives? Are we able to pause and recognize God in those potentially frustrating situations?

I am at the kitchen counter innocently attempting to prepare my own diet-restricted breakfast, after getting the kids settled at the table with their drinks and food, and I realize the knife I am looking for was left in the sink and needs to be washed before I can continue. But right as I reach for the dish scrubber, the girls start asking for more food and the phone begins to ring simultaneously (which I ignore in an attempt to get some nourishment together for my apparently starving kids). But my husband comes on the answering machine begging me to look up just this one thing for him real quick.... and all of the sudden that little phrase from Titus 2, "be kind," is not so easy.

This topic is right on time for me! I can't tell you how many times lately, armed with my well-intentioned desire to get a job done, I've heard myself say to someone in my family (for the 100th time), "Yeah, in just a minute. I need to finish [you fill in the blank]."

I find myself getting grumpy from the pressure of being pulled in multiple directions all day and longing for those late night hours when I have my time to myself and can sacrifice a little sleep in order to complete a job uninterrupted.

Lori asks, How do you handle interruptions in your days? Do you plow right on over them missing opportunities God has placed on your path?

Ouch! Back to that "just a minute" catch phrase I seem to have adopted. I can almost picture my daily path laid out before me, and God walking my kids or my husband right through the middle of it. Too often I miss out on what God has for me by thinking my family are the "interruptions."

Lori wrote, "I often imagine a day when I have an opportunity to stroll around heaven, where it will be revealed to me how many things I "missed." Missed in my attempt to be in control of "my day" and do it in "my time." I imagine a tour that reveals to me the times when I had only tunnel vision and missed the opportunities that God was trying to lead me to."

I don't want to miss out! Even in my pursuit to be a Titus 2 or Proverbs 31 woman, I want to make sure I am balanced. The real goal isn't the tidy house or the wonderful meals or the checked off to-do list. Serving my family is supposed to be the goal!

What interruptions frustrate you the most? How are you working to overcome that?

The things that frustrate me the most are the things that get in the way of my agenda. If I keep in mind that I am a servant, and that I can use those interruptions as a way to serve others, I have a feeling it will be a little easier to respond graciously with kindness. And if I embrace the idea of trusting that God has directed my day, then I must become more flexible in order to receive all He has for me.

Since I know I will need help in this area, I decided to commit my entire day to the Lord, interruptions and all, with a prayer from Psalms, first thing in the morning when I wake up. Usually I'm not much on doing things when I first wake up, because it's not my most coherent time of the day. But I think this is really going to help my outlook on the day.

Let me hear of your unfailing love each morning, for I am trusting you.

Show me where to walk, for I give myself to you.

Rescue me from my enemies, Lord; I run to you to hide me. Teach me to do your will, for you are my God.

May your gracious Spirit lead me forward on a firm footing. ~ Psalms 143:8-10

Rejoice Over You With Singing

2008-10-08T14:14:00.001-07:00

We chose a life verse for each of our girls. A verse that simply expresses something God has laid on our hearts for their life. We have plans to display each of their verses in their individual rooms. For Madeline, we chose Zephaniah 3:17.

"The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing." ~ Zephaniah 3:17

If you are at all familiar with her story/testimony, then you will understand why this verse is so very special for her. Madeline has battled one physical issue after another. But we KNOW God is with her and that he takes great delight in her just as she is. We also know that He is the ultimate healer and we continue to pray that he will take care of all her physical limitations.

For more inspiring Word Filled Wednesday, visit Amy.

Keeping a Home

2008-10-06T13:57:00.000-07:00

Our Hostess: Chelsie at Joyfully Living

Today's Topic: Keeping the Home

"These older women must train the younger women to love their husbands and their children, to live wisely and be pure, to work in their homes, to do good, and to be submissive to their husbands. Then they will not bring shame on the word of God." Titus 2:4-5
Another version says "keepers at home." I looked up the root to the word keeper, which is - a guard, be "ware." The definition throughout the Bible is "caring for the house or working at home," which means: a) the watch or keeper of the house, b) keeping at home and taking care of household affairs and c) a domestic (relating to the family or household).

At the Well is a little different for me today. Since Chelsie is focusing on (b), keeping a clean and tidy home, today is one of those days when I am acutely aware that I am one of "the younger women." A day when I admit that I have much more to learn, than I have to share. My ears are open and I am ready to be trained!

I decided I would share a quick story, and then mosey on over to the other women at the well and see what wisdom they have to share with me. My story begins in January of this year, when I really felt God telling me to stop doing things that kept me away from my home and my family. As hard as that was for me to hear, I was sure it wouldn't be forever, and even my husband called it a season.

These words from the Bible about a wife of character were critical in my decision:

"She carefully watches everything in her household and suffers nothing from laziness. Her children stand and bless her. Her husband praises her: “There are many virtuous and capable women in the world, but you surpass them all!” Proverbs 31:27-29

While many people might have given me praise for all the "capable" things I was doing, I was sure my husband and children weren't one of them. As a wise woman once said, "You can't do a hundred things well." So in an effort to get my priorities straight, I took a break from extracurricular activities.

It wasn't easy at first. Being busy was a habit I had formed. But eventually, what a difference it made in my attitude! I went from looking at making meals and doing housework as a burden, to seeing it as a way to bless my family. I began to understand that this is my responsibility, that God has given me. And because it is God-given, it is just as important as my self-given responsibilities. No, it is more important.

I'm starting to treasure time with my family. I realize this time with my girls will come to an end soon enough. At some point, they will grow and move on. This season is a wonderful one that I have been given to bless them, teach them and model what a wife of noble character looks like.

OK, now for the practical stuff. I'm on my way to learn from the other women at the well....

Cardboard Testimonies

2008-10-04T23:08:00.000-07:00

How He Loves
by John Mark Mcmillan

Verse 1
He is jealous for me,
Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden,
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
And I realize just how beautiful You are,
And how great Your affections are for me.

Chorus
And oh, how He loves us so,
Oh how He loves us,
How He loves us so

I never felt I had much of a "testimony." I grew up in a Christian home, our church family was as close as our real family. I knew the presence of God in my life at a young age. And by the time I was 10, I knew I was supposed to use my life to tell others about our amazing God. I continued to stay close to God. Attended Bible College. And began to work in ministry.

But after hearing this song and incredible video, my definition of 'testimony' was redefined. I realized I had many, many cardboard testimonies. Many of them physical. Some emotional. And the most important ones, spiritual. Even as I struggle today in some of these areas, it inspires me to look back and remember all that God has been to me.

Diagnosed with a pituitary brain tumor -- "impossibly" healed, according to my doctors

Told I had many reasons for infertility -- have had 3 miracle pregnancies

Heart breaking miscarriages -- Peace and joy beyond my understanding

What is your cardboard testimony? I would love to be encouraged by yours as well.

For more songs that inspire, visit Amy.

God Shed His Grace on Thee

2008-10-02T23:09:00.000-07:00

I am thankful for our country. I am thankful for the opportunity to live in America. Even though the upcoming elections and issues can seem overwhelming to me at times. (Although I must admit I thoroughly enjoyed the Vice Presidential debate tonight for a couple different reasons.)

Two days ago, I had the privilege of reconnecting with an old college friend by phone, who has been a missionary for the last 10 years or so. (I am choosing to leave the country undisclosed for safety reasons). She explained to me from a firsthand perspective, how dehumanizing governments can really be. And the horrific effect that has on not only a person's view of themself, but also their basic view of others.

I came away from that conversation, with two things in mind. First, I began to pray harder than ever for souls around the world who do not have the same Christian freedoms that we can so easily take for granted. And second, how blessed I am to live in a country where we have the option to value human life.

I know our country has problems, and fittingly I kept thinking about the lyrics for America the Beautiful, especially "God shed His grace on Thee." They seem so perfect during these times. As do all the prayers included for our country (below in bold).

O beautiful, for spacious skies,
For amber waves of grain,
For purple mountain majesties
Above the fruited plain!
America! America! God shed His grace on thee,
And crown thy good with brotherhood, from sea to shining sea.

O beautiful, for pilgrim feet
Whose stern, impassioned stress
A thoroughfare for freedom beat
Across the wilderness!
America! America! God mend thine ev'ry flaw;
Confirm thy soul in self control, thy liberty in law!

O beautiful, for heroes proved
In liberating strife,
Who more than self their country loved
And mercy more than life!
America! America! May God thy gold refine,
'Til all success be nobleness, and ev'ry gain divine!

O beautiful, for patriot dream
That sees beyond the years,
Thine alabaster cities gleam
Undimmed by human tears!
America! America! God shed His grace on thee,
And crown thy good with brotherhood, from sea to shining sea!

Blessings,

Today Iris was thankful God has lifted her dark cloud. What are you thankful for? For more words of inspiration visit her at Sting My Heart....

Autumn Rains

2008-10-01T09:24:00.000-07:00

Be glad, O people of Zion,
rejoice in the LORD your God,
for he has given you the autumn rains in righteousness.
He sends you abundant showers,
both autumn and spring rains, as before.
Joel 2:23

We had our own rare and refreshing autumn rain two days ago. Tell me, what's more carefree than a permission-to-get-your-clothes-soaked dance in the rain?

Today, let yourself soak in the promise of God to send abundant showers to bless your life.

For more inspiring Word Filled Wednesday, visit Amy.

Feeling Dry?

2008-09-29T23:14:00.000-07:00

Our Hostess: Heather at Emotional Purity

Today's Topic: Spiritual Dryness

Have you noticed a pattern of when you find yourself spiritually dry?

What do you do to move quickly through that season of dryness?

An interesting thing happened here in the high desert early this morning. The girls were finishing up their breakfast and we heard the loudest thunder! We quick grabbed some umbrellas and ran outside to greet the rain. It's been many months since we had our last rain.

It wasn't a downpour. It wasn't even a good soaking. It was intermittent at best. But because it was so unusual and this desert is so dry, it was exhilarating, refreshing and exciting.

Did you catch that? The drier it is, the more valuable the rain becomes. My life gets that way sometimes. I feel dry and empty. I haven't "felt" God's presence in a while. And the possibility of Him raining on me a little becomes so desired, it's all I can think about.

King David was in the desert of Judah when he wrote:

O God, you are my God, earnestly I seek you;
my soul thirsts for you, my body longs for you,
in a dry and weary land where there is no water.
Psalm 63:1

Sometimes I am thirsty because I haven't been making regular trips to Jesus' deep, sweet well. There is a story about Jesus in John 4 where we find Him sitting by a well. While he is there, a woman comes to fill her containers with water. He says to her, "Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life." John 4:13-14

When I am not taking in what Jesus provided for me, sometimes I am the one making myself thirsty. We've been given the Word of God, prayer and the Holy Spirit to sustain us and refresh us. When I decide not to allow one of these things in my life, I start to get spiritually dehydrated.

Why? Well, just like anything living needs water to grow, the Word is intended to be living and active in our lives (Hebrews 4:12). If a dry spiritual season is one that feels sluggish and slow, the Word of God motivates us to get moving and change.

In the same way, if in a dry spell we feel like we are not as close to God, James 4:8 promises us that if we come near to God, He will come near to us. Jesus paid an expensive price to provide a way for us to talk to God, just so we could get closer to Him.

And sometimes my soul feels dry because of my own sin. Jesus left us a parting gift, the Holy Spirit. I have a choice each day to live a life filled with the Spirit of God or not. Galatians 5:16 instructs us, "So I say, live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature." There are times when I have simply been drinking too much of that worldly water. I get too busy, my priorities are in wrong order, I don't believe and stand on God's promises, I'm doing something I shouldn't be and it starts to create a wall between God and I. These things can dry me up as fast as our desert sun snatched up our meager little rain puddles today.

But what I've noticed on occasion, is that sometimes it is not my sin, or my busyness, or mixed up priorities that are causing me to feel empty. Sometimes we're just suffering the consequences of living in a sinful world. We have all experienced loss, disappointment and pain from others. It's as if I know my spiritual tank is dry. So I go faithfully to the place I always go to fill up my tank, but the needle is stubbornly stuck on E. In these times, God seems distant from us for no apparent reason.

These seasons seem to move beyond a dry spell, to a drought filled wilderness experience. There are a variety of possible causes for these times: God may use them to test our faith, to strengthen our commitment, or to purify us. Moses talked to the Israelites after they had a time like this:

"Remember how the Lord your God led you all the way in the desert these forty years, to humble you and to test you in order to know what was in your heart.... He humbled you, causing you to hunger and then fed you with manna which neither you nor your fathers had known, to teach you that man does not live on bread alone but on every word that comes from the mouth of the Lord.... Know then in your heart that as a man disciplines his son, so the Lord your God disciplines you.... For the Lord your God is bringing you into a good land--a land with streams and pools of water, with springs flowing in the valleys and hills; a land with wheat and barley, vines and fig trees, pomegranates, olive oil and honey; a land where bread will not be scarce and you will lack nothing." Deuteronomy 8:2-3, 5, 7-9, NIV

God allows those times in my life to show me what is really in my heart. Maybe He needs to show me that I only go to Him when I can get something from Him and He wants to know if I will be faithful to come to Him even when I'm not getting what I think I should. Maybe it's to simulate a "rock bottom" experience, causing me to be humbled and once again recognize my great need for Him. And maybe it's just to keep me aware of how amazing the waters of God really are and keep me thirsting for them even when I have more than I can drink.

Whatever the reason, I can be sure the wilderness experience will lead to the Promised Land. It is the path God has chosen for me. His Word is forever true, and He makes a promise to me that He is my peace, and His choices for me will lead to fulfillment and joy.

Heather asks us, What do you do to move quickly through that season of dryness?

There are a few verses from Psalm 51 that I love to cry out to God when I am in a spiritual drought because they remind me of what I should be doing.

verse 10 Create in me a pure heart, O God,
and renew a steadfast spirit within me.

11 Do not cast me from your presence
or take your Holy Spirit from me.

12 Restore to me the joy of your salvation
and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.

13 Then I will teach transgressors your ways,
and sinners will turn back to you.

14Save me from bloodguilt, O God,
the God who saves me,
and my tongue will sing of your righteousness.

15 O Lord, open my lips,
and my mouth will declare your praise.

16 You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it;
you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings.

17 The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit;
a broken and contrite heart,
O God, you will not despise.

Verse 10:
* Ask God to create a clean heart in me, even if I am not aware of any sin that is keeping me from Him. And ask Him to renew a steadfast [adamant, dependable, enduring, faithful, firm, loyal, stable, steady, sure, true, unchanging, unflinching, unshaken, unwavering, unyielding, wholehearted] spirit in me! I do not want to give in to the temptation to just give up seeking Him.

Verse 11:
* Beg Him to keep allowing me access to His presence and His Spirit. It shows how much I value those things in my life.

Verse 12:
* Seek out the joy of my salvation. I need to remember where He has brought me from, what He has delivered me from and all the gifts He has given me! Sometimes this becomes real clear when you get around some new believers, as we were last night at a Teen Challenge banquet. There was something about being around a crowd of men and women who had recently been delivered from their sin and addictions, that brought my own salvation into perspective and made it that much sweeter to me.

Verse 13:
* Start reaching out. Get involved in the lives of others and start sharing the Gospel in tangible ways. This is often one of the quickest ways God leads me out of my wilderness times. Allowing myself to be used by Him has the ability to pull me out of my self-absorption and reminds me whose servant I am. Sometimes this is hard simply because I am feeling weak and thirsty. But this is also when God starts to fill me to be used for His purposes.

Verses 14 & 15:
* Praise God for the things His Word says are true, whether or not I can see them at the time. (Exercise that faith muscle of mine that is so puny.)

Verse 16 & 17:
* Realize while my sacrifices of time in the Word and in prayer are things that bring me closer to God, what God truly desires is my heart. I need to evaluate if there is any area of my heart (or life) I am holding back from God. Sometimes even though I am going through all the right motions, there is something so personal, so vulnerable, that I don't completely trust even God with it. I can kind of hold it close in my arms instead of opening up completely to God. I have to remember, even if I feel God disappoints me by not giving me all I desire in an area of my life, that brokenness of spirit and heart God will not despise. I have recognized Him in His rightful place by trusting Him with it and He will honor that.

If you are giving God everything you have and still feel dry and lifeless, hold on! God will reveal His face to you again. Don't give in to the temptation to give up. God's love for us is real, and our suffering is never wasted. In your waiting, cling to His promises and know His words are truth. You will be stronger for it in the end.

"Here is the opportunity offered. Be patient. Wait on the Lord for whatever He appoints, wait quietly, wait trustingly. He holds every minute of every hour of every day of every week of every month of every year in His hands. Thank Him in advance for what the future holds, for He is already there. "Lord, you have assigned me my portion and my cup" (Psalm 16:5). Shall we not gladly say, "I'll take it, Lord! YES! I'll trust you for everything. Bless the Lord, O my soul!" ~ Elisabeth Elliot

To Love From the Inside Out

2008-09-26T23:45:00.000-07:00

A thousand times I've failed
Still your mercy remains
And should I stumble again
Still I'm caught in your grace

Chorus:
Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
In my heart, in my soul, Lord I give you control
Consume me from the inside out Lord
Let justice and praise become my embrace
To love You from the inside out

Your will above all else, my purpose remains
The art of losing myself in bringing you praise

OK, the real reason I love this song is the first line, "A million times I fail still your mercy remains." Yep. That's my song. I'm completely indebted to the mercy and grace that allows me to move past my mistakes. For example, yesterday I was sharing something I should not have been and even as I was saying it I was thinking to myself "Stop talking!" It was as if I was in slow motion and couldn't stop the words from escaping my lips and jumping to their death. That's why I'm glad God's mercies are new every morning. Today is a new day. With a new chance to make God proud.

But it's the "inside out" part of this song that recently caught hold of my heart. What we choose to do on the outside, is a direct result of what is going on inside. I alluded to this in a recent post. I want to love God from a desire in my heart, not because being a Christian obligates me. I want to honor God with my life because it brings us closer, not because it's "the right thing to do."

I walked with the Lord a long time before I understood the difference between doing something to fulfill the role of a good believer, and doing something because I desired to stay near to God. If you've read any of my blog, I'm sure you're aware that we lost our son when I was 12 weeks pregnant. Before that experience, I would say my walk with the Lord was lacking. I wanted to be closer to Him. I did most of the right things outwardly, but I wasn't actively seeking. Honestly, I found it hard to fit Him into my day.

After the trauma of losing our baby, my perspective changed. Suddenly and drastically. God was no longer just Someone to call up when it was useful, I needed Him - every minute, every hour, every day. Spending time with Him was no longer based on convenience, it was necessity. There was no other option.

The natural outcome of this utter dependence is a desire to clear out anything in my life that keeps me from getting closer to Him. Not because anyone said it was bad. Not because I felt convicted in a sermon. But because after I've been surrounded by God's love and comfort, it is hard to spend time on trivial things. I'm talking about things that aren't bad, but they don't hold any real value because they don't bring me any closer to Him.

I didn't make a conscious decision, I just lost my taste for those kids of things. For me personally, it was entertainment/news shows, internet "window shopping," People magazine (unless Sarah Palin is on the cover and then I'm still interested). It is probably something else in your life.

I feel like I have been finally freed up. For the first time, my actions are based on a true love, a real desire to have closeness with my Father God, rather than performing to seek His approval so that I would have His blessing over my life.

These changes started on the inside and manifested on the outside. I've been consumed from the inside out. And that's where my praise comes from today.

For more songs that inspire, visit Amy.

Delicious Autumn

2008-09-25T14:13:00.000-07:00

This gorgeous image came from Lori at All You Have to Give,

who creates the most beautiful Word Pictures.

I am thankful for the changes Autumn brings. This is my absolute favorite time of the year. The brisk mornings and evenings, the abundant harvests, the smell of cinnamon and spice, trips to the apple farm and pumpkin patch, the warmth of a hot cup of tea or pumpkin spice latte, the coziness of sweaters and jeans, the relief from the desert heat!

And my favorite, the changing of the leaves. A sure sign that one season is ending and a new one beginning. It's then I realize the creativity of our Maker and it inspires me to delight in my own creative gifts.

Blessings,

Today Iris was thankful for Change. What are you thankful for? For more words of inspiration visit her at Sting My Heart....

Season of Waiting

2008-09-24T15:22:00.000-07:00

If my life was divided into seasons, this one would be called Waiting. God has been teaching me layer upon layer of lessons in this area.

My sister posted this picture recently of my newest nephew, Evan. The verse is a most accurate, beautiful picture of this season of my life.
WFW credit to Elizabeth.

For more inspiring Word Filled Wednesday, visit Amy.

The Words of My Mouth

2008-09-22T08:33:00.000-07:00

It's time for our Monday gathering At the Well. Join me and the other ladies, as we conversate about the significance of our chit chat. Laurie Ann has a jam packed post about our words. It's well worth a visit.

Our Hostess: Laurie Ann at A Magnolia's Heartbeat

Today's Topic: What We Speak

Do the words you speak reflect your reverence for Christ?

The tongue can bring death or life; those who love to talk will reap the consequences.
Prov 18:21
"Ho-eee Caaah-ow." My husband and I stopped in our tracks. Slowly our eyes met, our minds thinking in complete unison, There's no way. We both turned to see Madeline, all of 20 months, looking up at us with a little grin and expectant expression. Holy Cow? And used in context no less.

That's the beauty of kids. Of everything she's heard come out of our mouths, all the prayers, all the Bible stories, all the kind words, those 2 little words are what she tuned into! Some things just don't seem natural rolling off the inexperienced tongue of a 1 year old.

We went through the same thing with Olivia last year, granted she was already three, when she decided to make her most popular phrase "Oh My Gosh" -- without the /sh/ at the end. This sounded way too much like using God's name frivolously. Which led to the complete banning of this phrase in our house, plus a handful of others, much to our chagrin, as now she often corrects others with a compassionate, "Mr. So and So, we don't say gosh. It's not nice." (or dang it or crap or stupid or...)

In reality, they both learned their words from me! There's nothing like seeing your kids do a spontaneous impression of you, to show you the truth of how something really sounds or looks. * Flashback Alert * A favorite Olivia memory of mine took place when she was about 2. We were watching Women's figure skating and not surprisingly Troy opted out to leave us alone for some girl time. I glanced over to find Olivia stripped down to her diaper and meticulously placing kleenex on the floor. Full of wonder, I asked what she was doing. And as she carefully stepped onto her kleenex, in all seriousness she replied back, "I am skating." So I asked, Well why did you have to take your clothes off? She explained, "So I would look like them." I looked back at the TV to which she was pointing, and wouldn't you know it, that was how it really looked. * But I digress.

My point is that watching someone "do as you do" can sometimes be a reflection you just weren't ready to see. My girls have shown me that while "stupid, dang it and Holy Cow" may be the preferred substitutes for worse words, they certainly aren't the words that make God smile in delight with me.

May the words of my mouth
and the meditation of my heart
be pleasing to you,
O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer.
Psalm 19:14

Laurie Ann's question is relevant, Do the words I speak reflect reverence for Christ? To be certain, I had the bright idea of looking up the origin of the expression, "Holy Cow!" I was hoping to read something rather unsubstantial that might get me off the hook. That's not what I found.

Wikipedia sites 3 possible origins for this phrase: "Holy cow!" is an exclamation of surprise. It is widely believed to have stemmed from the Hindu belief of reincarnation. (Travelers commonly shout the expression as to not hit one of these "reincarnated creatures" while driving.) While others derive the origins back to the story from Exodus of the golden calf or the "Holy Cow." Worst of all, the Dictionary of American Slang (1960) states it may even be a euphemism for "Holy Christ!"

Suffice it to say, there are no redeeming qualities in the exclamation Holy Cow. And since it apparently pays homage to either Hinduism, idolatry, or misusing God's name, it will without doubt be joining the forbidden list in our house, along with all the others: "Mommy, we don't say...."

Would you consider your speech to be self-controlled and pure?

Our hostess brings up the story from Luke 6:43-45:
“A good tree can’t produce bad fruit, and a bad tree can’t produce good fruit. A tree is identified by its fruit. Figs are never gathered from thornbushes, and grapes are not picked from bramble bushes. A good person produces good things from the treasury of a good heart, and an evil person produces evil things from the treasury of an evil heart. What you say flows from what is in your heart."

I wasn't sure what a bramble bush was, but I was certain I didn't want my words to be characterized as brambles. Just to be sure, I looked up bramble bush - any of various rough thorny shrubs or vines. A good heart can't produce thorny words.

This is how it works. When my heart is close to God's heart because I've been spending time in His word and in His presence, my words are self-controlled and pure. When my heart is not close to God, my words are not controlled, often from a lack of patience (or sometimes sleep), then they come out louder, meaner and thornier than I ever intended.

I want what I say to be self-controlled, because the Bible has some harsh things to say if it is not! James 1:26, "If anyone among you thinks he is religious, and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his own heart, this one’s religion is useless." I can DO everything I know to try to live a life that honors God, but if I don't control what I SAY, it will all be worthless. That's true because my words show the real state of my heart. Ouch.

There is a lot to be said for putting a little filter between my lips. What would change in my life if I took just a short moment to assess if the words about to leave my mouth would be better spoken, or best left unsaid? God's Word encourages us,

Understand this, my beloved brethren.
Let every man be quick to hear
[a ready listener],
slow to speak,
slow to take offense and to get angry.
James 1:19

How would it affect my husband if I took 30 seconds to let his words get past my ears before I had a quick response ready on my tongue? How would it affect my children if I took 30 seconds to let my anger subside before I started my discipline? How would it affect my friendships, if I took less than 30 seconds to think about what I am getting ready to share and if it would uplift her or not? How would life change for everybody if I just slowed down a bit?

Not only must my words be pure by filtering out anything thorny, they must also be pure by being authentic. When you have known God for some time, you become familiar with the kind of things that should be coming out of your mouth and the kind of things that shouldn't. Sometimes I am tempted to talk one way at church, and another way altogether at home. Anyone hear me on this one? There is a temptation to say the right things with your mouth but think something else in your heart.

The Lord says:
"These people come near to me with their mouth
and honor me with their lips,
but their hearts are far from me.
Their worship of me
is made up only of rules taught by men.
Isaiah 29:13

I recently attended a video conference where Beth Moore was teaching. She pointed out that sometimes we go to church, we participate and even sing the songs of worship, but we hold our hearts back from God...this is not whole-hearted obedience. Maybe it's because we think God has disappointed us, and now we don't feel we can trust Him with all of our heart. Maybe we are fed up with all He has allowed in our life and decide to hold our heart back until things get a little easier. In either case, God knows the truth of the matter and knows this is not real worship.

As we wrap up around The Well, we are hit with one final question, "Do you find gossip and slander hard or easy to avoid?"

For the most part, I try to be conscious of talking negatively about others but I admit that I find myself having a hard time discerning what is gossip and what is just talking about life, especially with my close friends. I don't intend to be hurtful to anyone. But that line isn't always visible to me, even when I'm looking for it, and I'm afraid I cross it without realizing the dangerous territory I am walking into. Laurie Ann helped clarify, "Regarding gossip, what I'm working on is my motive for sharing. There are things that I do need to share and I run it through the self-control and purity checkpoint first, to see if it's just an utterance or something I really need to talk about and get feedback on." Back to that filter...I figure if I can consider it to be uplifting, I can probably determine it is not gossip. Does what I'm saying bring God glory in my life? If not, it might be best left unsaid.

Reckless words pierce like a sword,
but the tongue of the wise brings healing.
Proverbs 12:18

My prayer today is to have a wise tongue that brings healing, in my family, in my marriage, in my relationships. Lord, create in me a heart that is pure so the words that come out are controlled and pleasing to You. Show me where I need to "bridle my tongue" so that my walk with you can be honest. Give me the strength to keep me from uttering reckless, piercing words. In Jesus' Name.

I am His and He is Mine

2008-09-19T23:31:00.000-07:00

The words to this song are so rich, and so powerful, I don't have much to add. It doesn't matter where you are in your journey, this song seemingly has something for everyone.

In Christ alone my hope is found,
He is my light, my strength, my song;
this Cornerstone, this solid Ground,
firm through the fiercest drought and storm.
What heights of love, what depths of peace,
when fears are stilled, when strivings cease!
My Comforter, my All in All,
here in the love of Christ I stand.

In Christ alone who took on flesh
Fullness of God in helpless babe!
This gift of love and righteousness
Scorned by the ones he came to save:
Till on that cross as Jesus died,
The wrath of God was satisfied -
For every sin on Him was laid;
Here in the death of Christ I live.

There in the ground His body lay
Light of the world by darkness slain:
Then bursting forth in glorious Day
Up from the grave he rose again!
And as He stands in victory
Sin's curse has lost its grip on me,
For I am His and He is mine -
Bought with the precious blood of Christ.

No guilt in life, no fear in death,
This is the power of Christ in me;
From life's first cry to final breath.
Jesus commands my destiny.
No power of hell, no scheme of man,
Can ever pluck me from His hand;
Till He returns or calls me home,
Here in the power of Christ I'll stand.

For more songs that inspire, visit Amy.

Sisters

2008-09-18T08:16:00.001-07:00

It's that time again -- Thankful Thursday has rolled around. I've been waiting for today because I am passionate about my subject and only hope I can do her justice.

I am thankful for my sister and her family. They have not always lived nearby and I value this time we have together. I know it may not last forever, and I view it as a treasure.

I am grateful for our friendship. It runs deep and is true. We share a love of Jesus, family, God's Word, ministry, sewing, healthy living, and photography. When you have this much in common, it doesn't require much 'work' to be friends. Oh! I forgot to include phones. Our young families don't leave us much time to actually get together, and when we do there aren't many quiet moments to actually talk, so we communicate more hours on the phone than I care to admit. (Good thing we can both multi-task.)

This is my favorite recent picture of Elizabeth with baby Evan.

I am always amazed that whenever I am in crisis, she speaks to me through my self-appointed love language - food! She calls on her amazing chef to whip us up something fantasical and leaves it in our freezer.

I am indebted to her memories of childhood (as mine seem to be fading). She reminds me that a good mother knows how to give Eskimo kisses and sing This is a Story About Sammy.

This is us on a missions trip together in Russia (15 years ago!)

I am always impressed with what a great aunt she is. She really loves my kids like they are her own. My girls adore the boy cousins, and I love how often they get to be together.

I am thankful that she can put up with my different moods and often help me out of one. She doesn't hold grudges, or use petty things to stir up controversy. She listens to all I have to say and knows me better than almost anybody. She epitomizes Romans 12:15, "Be happy with those who are happy, and weep with those who weep." When we miscarried our baby boy, she cried over the phone with me -- the best consolation she could have given me. As I said, she loves my kids as her own.

"After David had finished talking with Saul, Jonathan became one in spirit with David, and he loved him as himself. From that day Saul kept David with him and did not let him return to his father's house. And Jonathan made a covenant with David because he loved him as himself."
~ 1 Samuel 18:1-3

Today I am thankful for my little sister and tomorrow is her birthday - Happy Early Birthday, Elizabeth!

Love,

For more encouraging words of thanks, stop by and visit Iris at Sting My Heart.

The "Art" of a Child

2008-09-17T00:01:00.000-07:00

Proverbs 3:1-4

My son, do not forget my teaching,
but keep my commands in your heart,
for they will prolong your life many years
and bring you prosperity.

Let love and faithfulness never leave you;
bind them around your neck,
write them on the tablet of your heart.

Then you will win favor and a good name
in the sight of God and man.

This was Madeline's imaginative idea of how to use the stickers she found in Olivia's secret stash. For Olivia, it was unacceptable! Until 2 minutes later when it was brilliant. For me, it was a real-life object lesson. My mind immediately went to this verse about writing God's law on my heart.

Lately I've needed more than just God's Word in my hands, on my mind or even in memory. I've needed it deep within my heart so I could rely on it when times got rough.

You know how sometimes we know something in our heads, something as simple as "God will always take care of me." But life happens, and it's in those times that even simple truths run into a little bit of trouble making their way from our brains down to our hearts. You know that place.....where thoughts collide with emotions. The place that often succumbs to worry, fear or discouragement in spite of what we know to be true.

I need God's word to penetrate my heart in a way that overcomes my fears. In an absolutely real way, that takes away my feelings of being overwhelmed. In the way that instills in my very being WHO God is and WHAT He is capable of doing.

So in times like these, when life is not all smooth sailing, and the seas are more than just a little choppy, my prayer will be that the Holy Spirit would write God's truths on my heart in permanent marker (or as they say in California, with a sharpie). That those truths would be forever imprinted there and not even the storms of life will be able to wash them away.

Visit The 160 Acre Woods for more inspiring Word-Filled Wednesdays!

Are You a Utensil?

2008-09-15T03:20:00.000-07:00

Today's Topic: "Purity - Being Set Apart from the World"

Today's Host: Tracy @ Thirsty for Him

For more thoughts on purity, head over to Tracy's blog. She had some great things for us to think about.

"These older women must train the younger women to love their husbands and their children, to live wisely and be pure, to work in their homes, to do good, and to be submissive to their husbands. Then they will not bring shame on the word of God. "
Titus 2:4-5

Titus 2 calls us "to be self-controlled and pure." Tracy poses some practical questions about our call to teach younger women about purity.

How do we teach the next generation (both our daughters and other young Christian women) how to live a life of purity without falling into legalistic rules, or slipping into a worldly mindset that teeters on impurity?

How do we live as Jesus said: "in the world without being of the world?"

How is the word of God "shamed" when we aren't living in purity?

When I moved to California I was single and pre-kids. I observed a marked difference in the values exhibited by the kids here from those back in the midwest. (In all fairness, I did come from a fairly sheltered environment -- the Bible Belt, so to speak. ) The children around me here were more savvy- they talked differently, dressed differently, and those were just my Kindergarten students! Things that were often done in secrecy in the midwest, were common, everyday behaviors here. I knew that someday when I was blessed with kids of my own, it was going to be a challenge raising them with godly standards so different from those around them.

Tracy's question to us about the responsibility of teaching a life of purity without relying on legalistic rules and without giving in to a wordly posture, plagued me from the day my daughters were born. Simply teaching them the right ways to behave, by following the "rules," didn't seem like it would be incentive enough. There is so much negative pressure in our culture, how were we going to successfully impart the values needed to have the strength to go against the flow and live a life pure in heart?

I was unsure, so I began a true quest for wisdom. If I saw a family with teenage girls who were confident in their walk with the Lord and didn't care about what others' thought (I'm thinking of our sitters), I would ask their parents what they did to instill those valuable life lessons. I sought out godly counsel and learned priceless lessons from the mistakes of those who had gone before me. I also devoured books on godly parenting. Now, I don't believe any one book has all the answers, or has it all figured out, but I've been able to find treasures of truth that we can implement in our parenting.

One of these books was suggested to me by a dear friend who has the same young mother's heart as my own, Colleen. "Parenting is Heart Work" by Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller. The premise was that as parents we are sometimes too quick to correct or discipline and we miss the chance to connect with the our kids hearts.

My husband and I identified with this idea. We knew legalistic rules were not enough. We didn't want to just teach the girls information, we wanted to mold their hearts. We wanted to integrate facts into their life through their hearts. Matthew 5:8 says "Blessed are the pure in heart." This is much more profound than simply watching my girls for the appropriate outward behaviors. It needed to come from within!

The book put it this way, "It's one thing to teach children's minds and a completely different thing to teach their hearts. We all know having information in our heads doesn't automatically enable us to apply it. Facts appear in our heads; beliefs appear in our hearts. Beliefs then feed commitments and result in behavior."

We want our girls to have an inner motivation to do what is right....not just try to do the "right" things to please their parents. After this realization, came the next big question. "How in the world do we inspire inner motivation?" Timothy 3:16 tells us that Scripture is "useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness." We don't just want to use Scripture to point out when our children are doing something wrong, we want to use it to reach deep within their hearts and enable them to do what is right.

This is how we will teach our girls about purity. The word pure in this context means free from defilement and not contaminated (by the world), modest and pure from carnality. Interestingly, the definition of carnality is "preoccupation with the body and satisfaction of its desires." What teenage girl today doesn't go through the struggle of being preoccupied with her body and the world's image of a woman? But purity even encompasses so much more than just what we do with the outside....it's the inside that concerns me!

The same word for pure in Titus 2 is the same word that is used in Phillipians 4:8. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

This "training the younger women to live wisely and be pure" was shaping up to be a big responsibility! That's why it was such a relief when I realized it was not my job to instill those values in my girls lives. It is God's job and I am to simply point them to Him. Through Scripture, through teachable moments, through my example. It's GOD in them that will enable them to live in purity. How much better to have the truth of Phillipians 4:8 growing deep in their spirits, than me telling them all the things they can and can't do. What freedom from the self-condemnation that comes from trying to live a life that follows all the rules perfectly. How much better to be motivated by our love for God and a desire to be close to Him.

This doesn't mean we won't be specific in our instruction. We will discuss the kind of friends our girls choose, by focusing on verses that talk about the benefits of keeping godly company and how that is encouraging to us in pursuing purity. When it's age appropriate we will have discussions about Scriptures that specifically talk about a woman's responsiblity to be modest. We've already had discussions with Olivia (she's 4) about what makes God happy and how certain entertainment should not have a place in our house because it will make His heart sad. The difference in our specifics, is that we will appeal to their heart.

The Word of God is shamed when we choose not to live a life of purity because it loses it's power in us. Tracy shared this verse and I just love it! 2 Tim 2:21 ~ If you keep yourself pure, you will be a special utensil for honorable use. Your life will be clean, and you will be ready for the Master to use you for every good work. If we choose not to keep ourselves pure, we give up that opportunity for God to use us for His good works.

This was a stimulating thought for me today, not just in the context of teaching my girls, but in my own life. I am often tempted make choices with the motivation of obligation, "because that is what the Bible says is the right thing to do." It is much more inspirational to remember if I make a choice that is God-honoring, I instantly become available for Him to use.

Lord, make me a special utensil available for Your use. Guide me and teach me how to keep myself pure, so that You can use me to teach my children to live a life that honors You. It is a huge responsibility, and I don't take it lightly. I look forward to the challenge You have set before me. Give me a teachable spirit so that I can grow even closer to You.

A good report

2008-09-13T11:30:00.000-07:00

We're back and we come bearing good news! We arrived home from our vacation and took the girls to the doctor Thursday. They had the results from the Oregon culture and Madeline does not have MRSA or anything else; her culture grew absolutely nothing! Praise God!

The doctors in Oregon told us Madeline would have MRSA for life. I learned a little more about antibiotic resistant staph (MRSA) at this appointment. Apparently that only happens once it gets in your bloodstream, and then it is potentially fatal. Madeline's infection was superficial, so she will not have it for the rest of her life. There was a risk of it getting in her blood because she had open, bleeding sores. Thank God, this did not happen. And there would have been a greater risk if this medication didn't work and she had to have IV drugs in the hospital, because she would have had a direct opening in her skin to her bloodstream. Again, thanking God for His protection.

Olivia needed a second culture to be certain her infection was gone. There was nothing on the skin to culture, so they just cultured in her nose even though her last nose culture came back negative. We will continue to keep the girls away from the public until we get her results back, but we believe there is a good chance we will get a call saying she is good to go sometime this week.

Troy is the last to finish his antibiotics and then he will need a new culture. It's still important for him to not spread it, because we also learned the type of staph he has can mutate when it's spread to someone else. So it could be minimal for him, but mutate into MRSA for Madeline.

The doctor said there is no more risk for future infection for us than anyone else. Some of her suggestions for not getting infected again were clean shopping carts off before using, continue using special soap and remove our shoes before walking in our house.

It wasn't all good news for Madeline. The other rash that had appeared on her leg, calf and cheeks is apparently eczema - and a bad case of it. After a few days of treatments, the eczema rash has stopped spreading and seems to be starting to go away. The eczema is a good indication that she has developed an allergy to some food she wasn't previously allergic to -- and is a new allergic symptom for Madeline. We were told to have her tested again for all food allergies. Madeline has a short list of about only 25 foods that she can eat, so it's discouraging to hear that she night have to lose one of those few foods.

Although this might seem like another set back, we are praising God for the first miracle and praying for another. We will be going in Monday night to have allergy testing, for those of you who will continue to pray for her. We are so grateful for the kind words of encouragement you've sent our way. We are beginning to see a light at the end of the tunnel.

I realized as I wrote tonight that many of you have never even met Madeline and might enjoy a recent picture. Here is one from our vacation in Oregon.

A couple weeks ago, I found this verse and have daily prayed it over Madeline.

"The LORD your God is with you,
he is mighty to save.
He will take great delight in you,
he will quiet you with his love,
he will rejoice over you with singing."

~ Zephaniah 3:17

At the same time, I was visiting LauraLee's blog and she had posted this song with the same verse. It has been resonating in my heart ever since. I knew exactly when I would share it with you - it was when we got the good report. So here it is - enjoy!

For more songs that inspire, visit Amy.

Thanks for the prayers!

2008-09-05T11:03:00.000-07:00

I wasn't sure how to update everyone on our MRSA ordeal, because the situation seems to change everyday, if not many times a day. I decided to just share what has happened so far.

Madeline finished her MRSA antibiotics Sunday. Upon completing them, her bottom broke out in a nasty rash that bleeds when wiped. She also had a new rash spreading up her leg and eventually her torso and face. Our original plan was to wait until we got back from vacation to get her second culture done, but we decided to get it done at the recommended 14 days (Thursday) because of the intensity of the rash. So we left our campground and headed to an Urgent Care in town. That culture will come back next week.

The doctor in Oregon told us once Madeline has MRSA, she will always have it. This is a new piece of information to us and is an example of what has frustrated us all along. We don't feel that we've gotten all the facts, and the ones we do get seem to come in bits and pieces. Then we are left on our own to figure out what is fact and what is not, since different doctors are telling us different things.

We did not get to go on our houseboat vacation. Instead, we decided last minute to pack up the RV and head to the sand dunes in Oregon. We are pretty self-contained and won't risk spreading the infection here. We also have access to a washing machine to keep things sterilized. The fact that a major part broke on the RV, only serves to extend our family vacation, as it won't arrive until next Tuesday.

Olivia's culture came back as regular staph, not MRSA. This was a huge answer to prayer. They told us to stop antibiotics, which we did that night. The next morning, her bottom broke out with huge sores and a rash. We decided to continue the antibiotics through the rest of the course and she finished up yesterday. She has had no other mysterious rashes or breakouts since. She even ran into a wall and opened up the skin above, around and below her eye. This healed up and did not get infected! We will have her new culture done in a few days to see if she is clear.

Two days ago, we found out Troy's culture came back positive as a "carrier" for staph. His parents also had cultures done, since they had been around the girls, and Oma came back positive as well. Apparently, approximately 1/3 of the population is a staph carrier (it lives in their nose and under fingernails). This is not usually an issue, unless someone in the household is fighting MRSA. So we picked up some antibiotics for Troy while we were in town yesterday as well. And Oma has already been on them a few days. This means Troy cannot help change Madeline's diapers or administer ointments or creams until he finishes his medication, as he could reinfect her. He's secretly enjoying this, but doesn't dare say it out loud. ;) Ideally, they would have recommended the culture earlier, so he could have been finished with his medications close to the same time Madeline was done.

Somehow, I ended up being the only one not infected with something. Which doesn't make sense, since I am the one touching and cleaning everything. We praise God that I haven't been infected yet!

We are still keeping ourselves away from people, as the doctors have recommended, so this nasty infection won't spread any further. But we have been blessed to visit with some good friends this week, Cassie and Gunnar, who live in Oregon. They are even heading out this weekend to ride and visit with us (and probably encourage us more than they realize). They will be staying in their cozy 2 person tent, as opposed to our infected RV. The girls couldn't be more excited to have them as company -- we are on a daily countdown.

Many of you have asked how the girls are doing...if you could have seen them this morning throwing themselves down the side of a sand dune, rolling to the bottom, you would never have known anything was wrong. You don't realize there's a problem until it's time for a diaper change. The dirty diapers and wiping are very painful. Other than that, they are full of energy and generally happy. This is a HUGE blessing for Troy and I.

That's the scoop so far. We continue to be humbled and amazed by the stories of people who have committed to cover our family in prayer. Specifically, we still need prayer:
that we won't reinfect each other,
that Troy and Olivia's second cultures come back clean,
that Madeline's culture comes back as something besides MRSA, or better yet - clean!
that we stay encouraged until we can join back in with the rest of the world,
and for continued guidance for us as parents to know what to do, when to do it and who to seek medical advice from.

Mercy and Grace

2008-09-04T16:03:00.000-07:00

It's been a week since I last posted and oh what a week it's been. I love Thankful Thursdays, because it makes me stop and focus on God's amazing-ness.

This week I am thankful for God's mercy on me that is new each and everyday. And for His patience with me that allows me to grow a little more everyday.

The faithful love of the Lord never ends!

His mercies never cease.

Great is his faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each morning.

I say to myself, “The Lord is my inheritance; therefore, I will hope in him!”

The Lord is good to those who depend on him, to those who search for him.

So it is good to wait quietly for salvation from the Lord.

Lamentations 3:22-26

Each day this week I have needed His mercy and forgiveness for allowing myself to get overwhelmed or impatient or grumpy in my situation. And the fact that we have a "situation" is not an excuse! The Bible instructs me to wait quietly.....not child-like.

Today I was thinking, wouldn't it be nice if I could be one of those classy women who was the epitomy of "grace under pressure." You know the one -- smart suit, smooth, flawless hair, peaceful smile and not a feather ruffled even though her world is crashing down around her.

Ernest Hemingway said, "Courage is grace under pressure." When the time comes to face a problem, I want to appear graceful, but the Lord kept whispering to me today to lean into His grace instead of being concerned with my appearance.

I kept wondering, what does that mean? I lean upon the Lord all the time, but what would it mean to draw strength from His grace? So I looked up these definitions (gotta love Wikipedia):

* Grace is enabling power sufficient for progression.

* Grace divine is an indispensable gift from God for development, improvement, and character expansion.

* Without God's grace, there are certain limitations, weaknesses, flaws, impurities, and faults (i.e. carnality) humankind cannot overcome. Therefore, it is necessary to increase in God's grace for added perfection, completeness, and flawlessness.

Well, if complaining, impatience and grumpiness aren't considered for "development, improvement and character expansion" I don't know what is. It's clear that God was asking me to tap into His grace so I could grow up a little.

Seeing as it was just getting meaty, I decided to look up the Greek meaning of the word for grace, charis. And it seemed to tie up my thanks today for God's mercy and His call for me to grace in a concise little package.

Grace (charis) - That which affords joy, pleasure, delight, sweetness, charm, loveliness (....sounds like that courageous woman of grace I referred to earlier). Also favour of the merciful kindness by which God turns us to Christ and keeps, strengthens and increases us in Christian faith, knowledge, affection, and kindles us to the exercise of the Christian virtues (sounds like my Thursday thanks).

** I know many of you are waiting on an update regarding our family's health, but I need some time to let this soak into my heart a little longer. We still need your prayers! Seeing as how we are on a family vacation, I will write to you the next chance I get to sneak away to our laptop. **

Blessings,

Stop by and visit Iris for more words of thanks....

Thankful Thursday

2008-08-28T00:01:00.000-07:00

"being fully persuaded that God had power to do what he had promised." ~ Romans 4:21

I am thankful ~ for a dear friend's mother who sent me this verse today. She has committed to pray for my girls' healing, from this scary infection, and continues to encourage me with a mother's heart.

I am thankful ~ for a naturopathic doctor who has cared for Madeline and Olivia (and me) for over a year. She calls on her days off, beginning the conversation with "I was thinking about Madeline today and had an idea...." Dr. Crystal really, truly cares.

I am thankful ~ for Genea and Jimmy, missionaries at Rancho de sus Ninos orphange in Mexico. They called me this morning during a meeting with their local pastors and asked if they could all pray for Madeline by speakerphone. They prayed for 9 1/2 minutes straight for my daughter's complete healing (allergies and all).

I am thankful ~ for Joy. My friend who has called me everyday to check in and make sure we are OK. I am convinced if she thought otherwise, she would book it straight across 3 states to help us out.

I am thankful ~ for a friend who values our friendship so much, she would invite me to tea just to share some news with me that she thought may be hard for me to handle. Compassionate, thoughtful and kind just begin to describe her heart.

I am thankful ~ for in-laws who shared with us a commitment they made to cover Madeline's health in prayers until she is better. They also drop me emails with Scriptures and words to encourage. And they give me good books to read. Now that's speaking my language!

I am thankful ~ for modern technology. But mostly for my friends Cassie and Colleen. We were blessed to meet at a Young Marrieds Bible study years ago. And although both have been led out of the desert, they both keep in touch and pray for my family faithfully. Both check in on the girls (and me) consistently. And although I would prefer to have them live just a bit closer, I am grateful we have email which allows us to "visit" almost every day! Colleen, thank for the nurses' perspective. And Cass, thanks for thinking of my girls like family and directing me towards the natural MRSA remedies.

I am thankful ~ for my sister who dropped everything today to search online with me, to find out whether the bug bites I had just received were cause for concern. (Yes, something got in my sundress and bit me - twice!)

I am thankful ~ for a husband who is strong enough to believe that God is using our family's struggles to work towards something good and who always encourages me that it will "all work out."

I am thankful ~ that God is with us, and that is all I could ever really ask.

Lastly, I am thankful ~ for God's promises. In case you were wondering, I did follow my plan today. I improved on going to the Word when I felt overwhelmed. I wrote Bible verses that represent His promises to me on cards and folded them so they would stand up. I strategically placed them around the house: in the middle of our pile of antibiotics, in the girls' rooms, by the computer, in the laundry room. It's no surprise that my emotions were much better handled.

Stop by and visit Iris for more words of thanks....

You've Got Mail!

2008-08-27T01:12:00.000-07:00

This is a perfect picture of how I've approached my time with God the last couple days, with great anticipation of His Words to me. I NEED to hear what He has to say. As a matter of fact, I could use an actual letter from Him right about now.

I am 'waiting for the Lord'.....to move on behalf of my girls. I am 'waiting for the Lord'....to guide me along the right path of care for them. Mostly, my soul is just 'waiting for Him' to come be with me. There are so many "uncertains" for us in the coming weeks -- and the planner-in-me gets quite agitated when too many uncertainties start floating around at the same time.

Olivia wanted to read out of her First Virtues for Toddlers before bed tonight. I asked her to choose the story; she picked "Duckling is Patient." This was a new word for her (patient), although not necessarily a new concept. It was fun listening to her roll it around on her tongue a few times before it was familiar to her or recognizable to us.

As we went through each scenario with Duckling, she would stop and try to find an experience she could relate to. "Oh! Like when I open the door for you and you go in first. I wait for you." And although I wanted to impart the many meanings of patience to her, each page seemed to shout out the same thing, Duckling needed to learn how to wait. [This is one of my favorite parts of having a toddler. All my deep and theological concepts about God get broken down to their simplest form in order for me to explain them to her. It's a good exercise for me.]

So I started thinking about what had me so disturbed today (and disturbed is putting in mildly). I believe it was made clear to me tonight that it all boils down to the waiting. Waiting to find out: Will this antibiotic work for the girls or will they end up in the hospital? Will Troy or I come back as "carriers" who've passed this infection on to our girls? Will we get to go on our already-paid-for family vacation? Will their second cultures come back negative so we can take ourselves out of quarantine? We won't know that for at least 2 weeks!

What is it that can get me through when I have no choice but to wait? Knowing my hope is in God. Today that just didn't seem tangible enough for oh me of little faith, which is why I suppose the psalmist wrote "and my hope is IN HIS WORD."

I need to go back to the promises I KNOW to be true -- I'll find them in His word -- and put my hope in those. This is my new and improved plan for tomorrow. I think it's a good one.

Visit The 160 Acre Woods for more inspiring Word-Filled Wednesdays!

MRSA update

2008-08-25T23:25:00.000-07:00

We continue to be blessed, humbled and overwhelmed by your prayers and notes of encouragement! So many have asked how Madeline is doing and I was purposefully waiting until after today's doctor visit to share. It was not necessarily happy news, and so it has taken me most of the day to figure out how to write this. I don't want to give details for shock value, but only so you can pray more specifically.

Sunday we noticed our 4 year old had the same sores as her sister, on her thigh and on her face. Olivia said Madeline scratched her while trying to get a toy. This is consistent with how MRSA is spread, since it tends to live inside the nose and under fingernails and the skin has to be broken for the infection to get in. I took them both to the doctor first thing this morning. They took a culture of Olivia's sores and immediately put her on the same antibiotic as Madeline. The doctor was as sure as she could be without a culture, that Olivia has contracted the MRSA infection as well.

Madeline's rash had begun to clear up, but a new rash began to form yesterday. The doctor believes it is a yeast infection, in response to the antibiotics she is on. She prescribed an additional medication for the yeast. Then we noticed a new set of MRSA sores forming outside of her diaper area, traveling down her thigh. This is not a good development because now the sores are spreading in spite of the antibiotic and now they are in an area that is much more exposed. We were prescribed an additional topical version of the antibiotic to apply to the infection. As well as a medicated soap for all of us to cleanse with.

Our sitter also came with us, as she has an unexplained rash forming on her elbow and had to have a culture done as well. The results for the cultures will not come back for 6 days. The doctor also cultured myself, Olivia and later my husband, (through the nose) to see if we are carriers of MRSA. Apparently, you can carry the virus and never have symptoms, but you can spread infection to others and inadvertently be re-infecting the girls.

It is hard for me to get all the details on this type of infection and exactly how it works. It seems there are many variables. Basically, it's a strain of staph that's resistant to the broad-spectrum antibiotics commonly used to treat it. There is a little more info here: http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/mrsa/DS00735. I do know I have heard from 3 different doctors over the weekend, that it is not something to be messed with. They told us to take it very seriously, as MRSA is very difficult to beat and can be fatal. Not the most encouraging words for a mom or dad to hear. We were already aware that the next step if the antibiotics were not successful, was hospitalization for IV drugs.

To fight the MRSA, I was told to sanitize the girls sheets after every use (nap and night). Also every piece of clothing, towel and washcloth they touch. To bathe them daily in the medicated soap. Administer antibiotics 3 times a day. Apply alternating creams up to 6 times a day. Use strong cleaners under their fingernails a couple times a day. On top of that, I have to dress them in pants to try to keep the sores covered (it's 100 degrees here). I was told to cut out sugar from their diet, to inhibit the growth of the infection. This effectively cuts Madeline's available non-allergy food list in half. Then I have the natural solutions I am adding to our care plan, applying more ointments, essential oils, taking multiple supplements and vitamins 3-5 times a day to boost their immune system. I am just trying to fit it all in during the day.

On a more frivolous note, we had a week long houseboat vacation scheduled and are supposed to leave this Saturday. The doctor said if Madeline's infection does not improve, there is no way we can go. Even if it does, there are many details to work out, such as getting her re-cultured at the end of her 10 days of antibiotics (which is Sunday) while we are out of state. We just don't know if it's possible and it only adds to the uncertainty of this week. Also, the doctor was pretty certain her MRSA and the very rare Group C Beta-strep infections were probably acquired from a recent lake trip, through a fresh diaper rash. This would limit her ability to be in the water, which is the point of a houseboat trip. We need a clear answer as to what we are supposed to do.

It's a lot to take in and we are trying our best to do everything we can to fight this Superbug. We cherish your prayers and are believing God to continue to guide us every step of the way. I have read the opinions of some who have battled MRSA with their kids, who recommend seeking out an infectious disease pediatrician - we need wisdom to know if that's what we should do. Please agree with us that the girls' immune systems will continue to get strong enough to fight off this infection. And pray that we would not be distracted by discouragement.

A Life of Worship

2008-08-25T07:46:00.001-07:00

Today's topic: A Call to Worship

Today's host: Laura Lee at Laura Lee's Lifesong

What do you do or think you should do at the start of each day to prepare your heart and mind as a woman living a life of worship?

If you were to gather at the well with women younger than you in the faith, what would your call to worship be for them?

Today's topic may be one of my all time favorites! You may or may not know that I have been known to occasionally lead worship from behind the familiarity of a piano. For me, worship is one of those things I live for; it's how God and I connect. I could sit and play, and sing, and pray for hours. But I much prefer it to be just God and me.

However, as God is in the habit of doing in my life, He would often stretch me beyond "comfortable" and ask me to step in to fill a need when a worship leader was not available. I believe my worship is honest and pure before the Lord, although I have never felt much talent worthy of leading others into God's presence.

But God doesn't ask for talent, He asks for my obedience. And I believe living a life of worship has a similar theme. I don't have to "be the most talented," I just have to be willing to recognize and surrender to Him.

Specifically, what should I do at the start of each day to prepare my heart and mind to live a life of worship? I hate to even admit it, but my most intimate times with God are NOT first thing in the morning. Typically, I am struggling to get myself out of bed at the same time as my early-to-rise 4 yr old. It doesn't matter when I go to bed the night before; I never welcome that first ray of light peaking into my mostly blacked-out room. I believe God understands that I am not a morning person, and He knows we will have more meaningful conversations as the day goes on.

What I can do in the morning is prepare myself to live a day of obedience that will honor God. Because I'm a planner, I'm usually mapping out my entire day first thing in the morning. I can commit to use my day in such a way that it is honoring to Him. This includes making time in my schedule to develop an intimate, affectionate relationship with Him.

For me this is an act of obedience, because it may mean I have to cut out something else I enjoy doing in order to have time to really connect with God. Or something that needs to be done. I could fill my entire day doing things that "have to be done:" housework, cooking, errands, spending time with my girls, laundry; but I would miss out on what living a worship-filled life is all about.

You can't live a life of worship without spending time with God. This would be my call to worship for younger women in the faith. Worship is so much more than a song or a dance....it's loving on God by spending time with Him just because you want to. That's what appeals to me about worshipping God at the piano. It's not the song I'm singing...it's the time I'm spending with Him. It's because when I'm making music and singing to Him, I can't be thinking about anything else. It's all about Him.

I would encourage women to take the time to get to know the God who so desperately wants our attention. I love this illustration by Marcos Witt, who compares our relationship with God to a marriage, saying we still have yet to learn how to respond to our "Husband."

"The Beloved comes and says, "Will you give Me a hug?"

And the bride (us) responds, "After I finish washing Your children's clothes and making your children's meals, Lord."

Once again the Beloved comes to us and asks, "Now, will you give me a hug?"

And the bride answers, "As soon as I finish planning these programs and attending these meetings, Lord."

The bride is busy washing, ironing, cooking, changing, rocking, feeding the children, and even talking to the neighbors about the wonderful Husband she has. Or the bride is busy working long hours to build a strong financial base, scheduling important meetings, meeting deadlines, building a business, and preparing programs for a local body of believers. The bride doesn't have time to be with the Bridegroom. When the day ends she is so tired that she throws herself into bed to regain strength. The next day she continues with the same routine, beginning the morning with a hurried prayer: "Bless my day and my schedule, and please, try to understand that since I'm so busy in Your work, I won't have time to be with You today."

Rarely does the bride take the time to ask, "What is Your schedule for me today, Lord?"

I have been guilty of this more days than I want to account for. It wasn't until a recent circumstance rocked my world that I felt I couldn't get through a day without some time to be with God. I recognize that I wasn't living a life of worship, no matter how many 'godly' activities I squeezed into a day. I mourn for how I hurt the heart of my Creator, who only wanted friendship and fellowship with me. He had so many wonderful gifts to give me, and I was too busy to accept them.

**Bonus Question: Do any songs come to your mind when you think of living a life of worship?

This is the one. A Little Longer by Jenn Johnson. It has always drawn me back to what worship is really about:

A Little Longer
What can I do for You?
What can I bring to You?
What kind of song would you like me to sing?

'Cause I'll dance a dance for You
Pour out my love to You
What can I do for You beautiful king?

'Cause I... can't thank You enough.
Oh I can't thank You enough
All of the words that I find... and I can't thank You enough.
No matter how I try... I can't thank You enough.

Then I hear You say to me:

"You... don't have to do a thing
Just simply be with me and let those things go
'Cause they can wait another minute

Wait... this moment is too sweet
Would you please stay here with Me
And love on Me a little longer
I'd love to be with you a little longer

'Cause I'm in love with you

We Are Not Alone

2008-08-23T15:47:00.000-07:00

Be Still by StorySide: B

I remember all the times
The good times and the bad
I'm still holdin on to you
Some days I wanna run
Sometimes I come undone
But I still belong to you
That's how I know that

(Chorus) When I feel like caving in
My heart my soul is wearing thin
I just want to give up
Nothing seems at all to add up
Can you hear me Lord?
My face is down upon the floor
It's then you whisper in my ear
Be still and know I'm here

I see a side of you my friend
The same struggles that I have
And my heart goes out to you
I know it's hard to feel alone
And this world's so unforgiving
I've been feeling that way too
But I can tell you

(Chorus)

Is that you?
Is this me
It's sometimes hard to believe that
I am not alone

It's not just you
And not just me
We all need to believe that
We are not alone

God often works in me through music, much like he did Saturday. I was driving Madeline to get her haircut (bye bye mullet -- no I'm not kidding) and this song started. It's usually the verses that I really belt out, but today when it got to "we are not alone" my voice choked up.

Troy and I have received countless emails to tell us how whole families have committed to pray for Madeline's situation, thoughts God has given them to share and Bible verses. I have sat at my computer many times the last few days, with tears running down my cheeks, completely overwhelmed. I feel so incredibly blessed and loved by the body of Christ, many whom I have never even met. And I am blessed by true friends, who care about my daughter enough to "rally the troops" for her.

I know people were praying in Washington, Michigan, Colorado, California, Kansas, Florida, Nebraska....and I had the most beautiful scene come to mind. I could picture a large map of the United States (much like the ones you see during the election converage), with prayers from each of these states rising up one by one to form one big army....doing battle on her behalf, to turn God's ear towards us.

We knew we could trust God to hear our cries as parents. And He kind of forced us to. I did not receive ONE answer to my email, until after the day was done. I didn't know if it didn't get sent out right or they just hadn't come through or what. And then, last night, the stories of those praying and asking friends to pray came pouring in, along with encouraging words and Scriptures the Lord had given them for us -- overwhelming us even more.

I should have known something was happening because I didn't feel alone or scared all day, Thursday. I just felt like I had a job to do and I had to be open to hear from God and put my mind to it and get it done. Well, no wonder I felt so strong - everyone else was fighting the battle.
I have to believe God has something SO special for Madeline Joy someday, as the Enemy has tried and tried to harm her. God continues to be faithful to provide the right doctores at the right time. The right knowledge just when we need it. Peace and comfort when it's just too much to think about anymore. And amazing believers to take time out of their day to pass along an email from a "friend of a friend" and then send back Scriptures to keep encouraging us. The tears just keep coming.

Here are just a couple of the verses I have saved for Madeline, so that someday she can read this story and know how much her God cared for her...and how many people fought for her.

They were helped in fighting them, and God handed the Hagrites and all their allies over to them, because they cried out to him during the battle. He answered their prayers, because they trusted in him. ~ 1 Chron. 5:20

O LORD, our Lord, how majestic is your name in all the earth! You have set your glory above the heavens. From the lips of children and infants you have ordained praise because of your enemies, to silence the foe and the avenger. ~ Psalm 8:1-4

I know it's Sunday, but I started writing this on Saturday -- doesn't that count for something? Thanks to Cheryl for recommending another great Meme that has encouraged me this weekend. For more songs that inspire, visit Amy.

Thankful

2008-08-21T16:32:00.000-07:00

This is a perfect post for Thankful Thursday. I could even say for me it's a thankful, grateful, indebted, appreciative Thursday. I am still a little in awe of what God did today for Madeline. It really is a miracle, that exceeds my wildest thoughts. I didn't dare to hope it would turn out this well.

Basically, yesterday I spoke with a nurse who told me I had no option but to give Madeline the medicine we were pretty certain she would be allergic to and just go to the ER when she started to have reaction. I searched and searched online last night for an alternative, but found nothing useful. Troy and I felt so ill-equipped and lost. We felt our only option was to drive first thing in the morning to a reputable ER and give her first dose of medicine near by.

We prayed for wisdom and that God would direct our steps and keep His hand over Madeline and went to bed. I believed He would, even though my mind wondered what He would possibly do in the middle of the night to change our circumstances.

This morning I was checking my email and must have searched Google with some combination of words I hadn't tried last night. The first website I opened described multiple antibiotic allergies. It said what I had felt all along: "Multiple antibiotic allergies can be scary. If you are allergic to one antibiotic, you have 10 times the risk of an allergic reaction to another antibiotic." It also described drug challenge testing, in which case a minute amount of the antibiotic is given under a physician's supervision and the amount is gradually increased. After a certain point is reached, if there is no reaction, it may be safely assumed that the patient can take the antibiotic. The physician must be present during the test to treat any life-threatening reaction that might occur.

This seemed much more reasonable to me. So I called the emergency number for her Dr., to be sure I wouldn't be transferred to a nurse again, and asked him about this procedure. He said he didn't think they would be able to accommodate us in the office, but we might be able to do it in the ER. He said to just meet him in the office at 9 since he was on his way there (I think he's only in the office 1 day a week). This was exactly when we should have been driving to the other hospital.

I took this as a sign that God was "directing our steps." When he met with Madeline, he said he could only do this if the one compound pharmacy in town would create the right dosages of antibiotic, but he didn't think they would. After a phone call - you guessed it! - he said they had agreed to and we would begin the 1 1/2 hour process in his office as soon as I picked up the prescription.

At this point, I started to believe that God was going to do something really special for Madeline today! The Dr. was ready to start the antibiotic desensitization, as he called it. As best as I can understand, it means by starting with extremely small doses of the antibiotic and slowly increasing the dose, the "allergy" systems of the body develop a sort of tolerance to the drug and do not react to it. The goal being that Madeline would eventually be able to take a full dose without further reaction. I had never even heard of this before this morning, but was really excited that it might work.

I purchased 5 doses of different strengths of the medication. Madeline and I sat in his office, as each dose was administered, with 15 minutes between each dose. She was quite content with all the attention, a dvd and some snacks. She was monitored by the Dr. and nurse throughout the procedure and had NO reaction!!!! Unbelievable.

We were sent home with our original prescription, she is able to take a normal dose now. (We also have a prescription for 3 epi-pens, which we have desired to have on hand for quite some time.) But apparently if she stops taking the drug, the desensitization does not last, and we cannot just start it up again at any time. We will return in 2 weeks for another culture of the infection. This is an incredible answer to one of our prayers (that she would not be allergic to the antibiotic)!

What we need to continue to pray is that THIS antibiotic effectively kills THIS particular strain of bacteria. The Dr. did tell us that if this one does not work, the only next option for a child her age is hospitalization (in-patient care and IV drugs), which lasts days.

God has provided a miracle today, and we believe He will provide another. We won't know for about 3 weeks (2 weeks + 6 days for the culture results), so we have all that time to pray for her healing and ask God to do another miracle.

Thank you for all of you who have forwarded our request on to other friends and left me encouraging messages today. I feel like an army got together on Madeline's behalf and I am so blessed.

Lots of love,

Praying for a Miracle

2008-08-20T23:31:00.001-07:00

Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts,

since as members of one body

you were called to peace.

And be thankful. ~ Colossians 3:15

** For an update on Madeline, read Thankful. **

I'll get right to the point. I am asking for your prayers for my daughter, Madeline. She has contracted 2 serious infections, Beta-Strep Group C and a strain of staph called MRSA (Methicillin-resistant Staphylococcus aureus is a bacterium responsible for difficult-to-treat infections in humans).

Since the second or third day of her life, Madeline has had a compromised immune system. Her body cannot handle or process chemicals, additives, preservatives or fragrances - which makes up most of the modern world we live in. This includes many of the foods we eat, the cleansers we use and even disposable diapers and wipes. It also includes medicines as simple as tylenol or motrin and as complicated as antiobiotics and vaccines. In the past, she's had a 100% allergic reaction rate to antibiotics. And by allergic reaction, I mean her lungs start to shut down and her breathing is compromised.

Her current infections CANNOT be treated without antibiotics. And since it is a strain resistant to antibiotics, often many different kinds are used until one works.

Tomorrow we must give her an antibiotic to stop these infections from getting into her system. Even though we are completely aware there is a good chance she will have a serious allergic reaction.

After consulting two godly medical professionals who know Madeline's history and whom we trust, we have decided it would be best to drive her within a short distance of a hospital in a different city, whose Emergency Room is not as overcrowded as ours and which has more access to specialists in pediatrics, allergies and infectious disease. We will also be closer to an excellent Children's Hospital.

We will be driving about an hour to my mother-in-law's house first thing in the morning and administering the antibiotic there around 9:30 AM pacific time. If she has any type of allergic reaction, we've been advised to get her to the ER for IV drugs to counteract the reaction.

As a mother, I am overwhelmed and scared. Her history doesn't make this an easy situation. But I KNOW God has His hand over Madeline. He has kept her and guided us and given us wisdom time and time again. We have worked hard to keep her healthy, and I am praying specifically that God will allow the improvements in her immune system to handle this medication, clindamycin, so that it can wipe out the infections.

I am relying on what God showed me yesterday, that is her in the picture by the way. It's so appropriate today, that I would look at her picture and read the words, "How precious are your thoughts about me, O God. They cannot be numbered!"

So instead of being overwhelmed and scared, I keep reminding myself that God is thinking about her, He knows exactly what it is she needs. I know God has a plan for her, (plans to prosper her and not to harm her, plans to give her hope and a future as Jer 29:11 says).

Just this morning, I read a WFW verse that has been very meaningful to me all day. "From the rising of the sun, to the going down of the same, the name of the Lord is to be praised." Psalms 113:3

And there it is again. When things are going well - PRAISE. When things are hard - PRAISE.

The verse doesn't say what happened during the period of time between the sunrise and the sunset.... just that every day it happens, God is worthy of our praise.

Psalms 113 is actually an inspirational chapter. It speaks of the poor, the needy and the barren - and God rescues them all!

Today I am thankful for many things, but most of all that I have my God to turn to in my scariest times, a God who is my Rescuer. How would I get through these things without Him and without that hope?

And so, even though the sun has set some time ago....I will praise Him.

Stop by and visit Iris for more words of thanks....

Word Filled Wednesday

2008-08-20T01:30:00.000-07:00

I needed this verse today. I needed to know God's thoughts were on me.

Another version says:

How precious are your thoughts about me, O God.

They cannot be numbered!

I can’t even count them; they outnumber the grains of sand!

Yesterday was a little harder than usual. I was running errands, with the girls in tow, and I ran into some old friends who were excited to ask how me and the baby were doing. (Over six weeks now, and it just never gets any easier to explain the baby is no longer with us.)

At the point they asked, I was trying to get somewhere, but in reality I was lost. The one person who had the ability to help me, instead made me feel insignificant and ridiculous. And so I was wandering around, dragging my 2 girls behind me, willing us to find the right building. Madeline was missing her usual nap and was causing quite the scene. My emotions were already boiling over and these friends' innocent inquiry caused it all to overflow with none other than my oh-so-familiar comrade - tears.

And once those pesky tears find their way into my day, I might as well throw in the towel (or tissue) because they are there to stay. For the rest of the day, the littlest things made me weepy.

And so, today was the perfect day for me to join in on Word Filled Wednesday. God wanted to remind me once again that I am not alone. His thoughts are on me and His thoughts are vast. He has not stopped thinking about me. He has not stopped thinking about my baby. He understands when my tears find their way down my cheek and He knows. He suffered His fair share of sorrows. He, too, lost a son....

Visit The 160 Acre Woods for more inspiring Word-Filled Wednesdays!

Laying Down My Isaac

2008-08-18T22:29:00.000-07:00

"Circumstances may appear to wreck our lives and God's plans,

but God is not helpless among the ruins.

God's love is still working.

He comes in and takes the calamity and uses it victoriously,

working out His wonderful plan of love. "

- Eric Liddell, Olympian & Missionary to China

I've begun an amazing book by Carol Kent, "When I Lay My Isaac Down: Unshakable Faith in Unthinkable Circumstances." Her words resonate with so many of the emotions, ideas and revelations I've had the last 6 weeks.

In her effort to reach out to others through her incredible story, she includes reflection questions at the end of each chapter. After Chapter One she says this: Discovering the power and invaluable lessons found in unthinkable circumstances usually takes time. If you can articulate some of the things you've learned and ways you've grown, write them down as a testament to God's faithfulness even amid devastation and sorrow.

Well, here goes.....

She talks about how most of us will face an "Isaac experience," when a crisis is thrust into our lives without warning and without survival instructions. She says, our "Isaacs" are the heart sacrifices we make when we choose to relinquish control and honor God with our choices even when all seems lost.

When we suddenly lost our baby boy at 12 weeks pregnant, it absolutely became my Isaac experience. It was so defining, that I now view life as "before the event" and "after the event." July 3rd, 2008 will forever be a pivotal day in my life. I believe I have had one other "Isaac" experience in my life, but it was a situation where God was able to intervene and redeem, in a way that I know cannot happen this time.

In case you are not familiar with the details of Abraham's story or if you just need a refresher, you can read about his only son Isaac in Genesis 22:1-18.

Almost immediately when we found out the baby was no longer with us, I determined in my heart that I would get through this circumstance by gleaning as much as I could from it. If I had to go through it, I at least wanted to use the tradgedy to honor my son and to grow personally. And the best way I knew to do that, was to ask God what He wanted me to learn. In this way, I was choosing to relinquish control and honor God with my choices - a heart sacrifice to be sure.

I say "almost immediately" because it took the entire long weekend of the 4th of July for me to come to terms with what was taking place. I woke up one morning, my first thoughts being an exhilerated "I am pregnant," and within a matter of hours I was told I was not anymore. I was no longer pregnant, but I still had a baby in my belly. At 12 weeks, I had just started to show, and my stomach would continue to swell that entire week; but not because a baby was growing inside. God had given us a miracle. And He had chosen to take our miracle home. That's a lot to come to terms with.

Carol says it perfectly, "There are some tragedies that are too big for a heart to hold, and they defy any description that makes sense. Time weaves its way through the shock, the hurt and the inexpressible feelings, and one day you discover that in the process of daily survival, you have.....determined that you will either curl up and die emotionally or you will choose life."

It took me that weekend to sink in my grief, and then I decided my girls needed me. I did not want them to lose a mother just because I had lost a child. I had to move forward and find out what lessons God had to share with me. I would just juggle my grief in the process. Even then, I realized this life I was choosing to move forward into, looked nothing like the life that I had painstakingly dreamed about.

I've come to realize, you don't just HAVE unshakable faith - you CHOOSE it. I did not know what kind of faith I had until something rattled it to its core. I did not even know if I would be able to honor God with my faith, but I was determined to give it my best try. Even when it made no sense.

I learned that God does not just equip you to go through devastating loss, He goes through it with you. I had a picture of God in my mind, way up in heaven somewhere, dropping down little gifts of encouragement to those who were diligent enough to look in His Word for them. And another image of God sending ministering angels through other people to those who were faithful enough to pray and ask Him. How wrong was I!

Carol says, When it seems like God would be the most absent, He is the most present. He is in the middle of your circumstances whether or not you have recognized Him.

I learned much about God as my Father during this time. God used my relationship with my daughters to impress on my heart how much He hurts for me. When Olivia struggles to make her way, especially as she approaches an obstacle, do I sit on the sidelines shouting out helpful directions? No! I run to her and hold her up and help her navigate her way. When Madeline is hurt, do I send someone else to deliver my message of love? No! I hold her tight and whisper words of comfort in her ear.

This is how my God feels for me. He has not left me alone to see if I am worthy of His presence during this trial. He is here. Holding me, whispering His words of healing to my heart.

Many people have encouraged me with beautiful prayers, amazing words of sympathy and comfort. These all have been unbelievable. But none compares to the impact of what God has been doing for me. He is my loving, compassionate Father, who hurts when He sees me struggling with loss. He longs for me to allow Him to comfort me. He hasn't left me for a second. He is not distracted by other things. His only desire right now is to help me through my brokenness.

This is all I have in me emotionally tonight. But rest assured there is much more I have to share with you; many more testaments of God's faithfulness.

"There are moments when God makes utter and complete sense to us, and then suddenly, life changes and he seems a foreign remnant of a childhood force-fed faith...

[Lord,] give us eyes to see your coming and going,

ears to hear your voice and your silence,

hands to hold your presence and your absence,

and faith to trust your unchanging nature in all seasons."

- Elisa Morgan

30-Day Encouragement Challenge

2008-08-14T15:47:00.000-07:00

Today's host: Cindy Beall

Today's topic: Marriage - Building Up Your Spouse

How well do you sweet-talk your spouse?

What are some things you can say TODAY to let your spouse know that you think the world of them?

Today I start with an admission: this is an area I struggle with. Bless, edify, build up, encourage, inspire, praise, thank, uplift. No matter how you say it, I need to work on it.

Our host, Cindy, made some great points today about talking kindly of our husbands when we are in the presence of others. This is not the area I struggle with, but it reminds me of the story that inspired me to treat my husband well in public.

Ronald Reagan is the first President I vaguely remember as a young girl. But I've heard stories about Nancy Reagan that left an impression on the wife in me. "My life really began when I married my husband," said Nancy Reagan, who happily left an acting career for a role as the wife of Ronald Reagan and mother to their children. Apparently, the press would write stories of how she would gaze adoringly at her husband during his speeches. In fact, she was so enamored with him, that many a press story was committed to debating whether or not it was an act. You have to remember, this was in the midst of the feminist movement, and to regard your husband with awe and devotion was not part of their agenda!

Upon hearing these stories, I purposed this is how I wanted to look at my husband. I knew her husband could not be perfect, he had to have faults like the rest of us. But she chose to let her love reign and to honor him by giving him respect and adoration when they were in public, in spite of the continual public criticism she received for it.

And in case you're wondering, Nancy got the last word. Listen to what I read recently. "Today, long after the fact, even some of the Reagans' harshest critics concede that Nancy's onstage affection for her husband was no act. None other than the Washington Post's Sally Quinn recently told Vogue magazine that Nancy "got a lot of flak about 'The Gaze.' But we now know it was real." This is a major concession from someone who used to regularly join in on the criticism for reader's of the Post's Style section." (Nancy: A Portrait of My Years with Nancy Reagan, by Micheal K. Deaver)

Troy and I made a committment early on in our marriage, that one of the worst scenarios we could imagine was for us to be in a group of friends and one of us starts complaining about or announcing the other's faults. We decided to keep our issues just that - ours! And we made an agreement to work on them in private. And I purposed to work on my "adoring gaze," which sometimes translated to publically complimenting him.

But somewhere along the way, in our 6 1/2 years of marriage, Troy and I recognized a core issue in both our lives. Neither one of us naturally sweet talks in private.

This presents itself as a problem, since we both acknowledge our deep need for encouragement, support and acceptance. Especially from each other.

Not only do we struggle with giving compliments, we both struggle receiving compliments. A typical Troy-response to my awkward attempt at encouragement is usually an averted gaze and uncomfortable snicker. A typical Rebecca-response is to clumsily deflect or change the subject. Seem strange? It did to me, too. What kind of person must I be if I feel uncomfortable hearing something so enjoyable, something I actually long to hear?

A friend pointed out recently that neither of us have been exposed to this wonderful gift. I do not remember hearing my parents "bless" each other. Neither does my husband. For that matter, I don't know that either one of us has consitently been on the receiving end of this kind of encouragement. It's almost as if we don't know what to do with it.

Consequently, even though we know what we are intended to be for each other, what we really struggle with is (and here's the dead give away that I've been watching way too many late night Olympics) - follow through.

So, in true Olympic fashion, I have designed a program for myself.

While I was praying and reading and studying on this topic throughout the week, I stumbled across an amazing 30-day challenge at Revive our Hearts.

30-Day Husband Encouragement Challenge for Wives

The challenge is basically this:

* You can't say anything negative about your husband....to your husband...or to anyone else, about your husband.

* Say something that you admire or appreciate about your husband...to your husband...and to someone else, about your husband!

Whew! This was not going to be as easy as I thought it was. Nevertheless, I was inspired to read this, "Perhaps it has taken you a tremendous amount of courage to speak words of encouragement consistently to your husband. Courage comes as we place our trust in God. Have faith that God will continue to work long after your encouraging words have been shared."

This project was designed with me in mind. Each day includes a foundational Scripture (love it!), a positive attribute of my husband to focus on and a practical way to bless and encourage him.

It essentially gives me the words to say, all I have to do is put the heart and prayer behind those words. And trust me, I'm in need of that kind of direction. They will even send a daily email to my Inbox to make sure I don't forget!

So, being Monday, I've had 3 days to practice my new "skill." And I've had 3 days to make mistakes. The best part is now that I've set the bar, I am acutely aware when I fall short. And with that knowledge, I can improve.

So what are some things I can say to my spouse to let him know I think the world of him?

Here's how it's gone so far:

Day One - I thanked him for choosing me, above all other women (with all my faults), and let him know I am glad God led us together and that I will be in his corner "all the days of (my) life." Proverbs 31:11-12

He laughed as he said "Oh-kay." When I asked why he laughed, he said it was because he was wondering what I wanted from him.... Obviously I have a long way to go.

Day Two - I thanked him for serving our family by working and providing for us. "...through love serve one another." Gal 5:13b

Since my daughter had a contagious infection, we were unable to go out in public this weekend. This day, I decided to let Troy sleep in. I got up before him, loaded up the girls and drove to the Starbucks drive-thru to get his favorite coffee. I told the girls we were serving Daddy to thank him for all he does, and Olivia got excited to dress in her best princess dress and shoes and present Daddy with his coffee in bed.

Later that day, Troy stepped in and offered to Olivia to take her lunch dishes to the sink for her. He explained, "Since you served me this morning, I'd like to serve you." I like the chain reaction this exercise is already having on my family.

Day Three - Blew it! Was supposed to "suffer long and be kind" (1 Cor 13:4) by appealing to him for help without complaining and letting him know it's hard for me to handle some things alone. I let him know I couldn't handle something alright....but not without complaining.

My considerate husband stepped up anyway, and helped me out. Even more to thank him for.

Day Four - Today! My goal is based on Eph. 4:28 "...let him labor, working with his hands what is good..."

I intend to let him know how much I value and appreciate the work that he does. And let him know how attractive his strength and diligence are to me. As a matter of fact, I've already sent him a text.

The interesting fact is the further I get into this challenge, the more excited I am each day to see what is to come and to find out how I can encourage my husband. I'm usually peeking ahead to the next couple days.

I leave you with this: "Criticism leaves scars; but encouragement can bring healing."

Welcoming Daddy

2008-08-12T22:08:00.000-07:00

Today's topic: Welcoming Home Daddy

Today's host: Lisa

Today's goal: Catch up with the other women at the well!

This is my last makeup Well visit and then I will be able to jump in every Monday with the rest of the ladies.

Lisa asked us to contemplate how we can make our homes a place of peace for our husband and our children's father. She posed these questions:

How can we lay a welcome mat of love for our husbands after a long day of hard work?

How can we make our homes inviting places where Daddy longs to be at the end of a long day?

How can we involve our children in this process and teach them to show reverence to their Daddy?

My husband owns a business, which makes our lives a little different. His schedule is very unpredictable. The time he arrives home changes day to day. Some days it will be 5, some days at 7 - and we don't know until that day.

My youngest goes to bed a little after 7, so that can turn giving Daddy "down time" or even eating dinner together into a challenge. When blood sugar is hitting an all time low and snacks just aren't holding them off, dinner can't always wait....

Most of the time, Troy does not desire to talk about the happenings of the day AT ALL. At first I felt a little left out of the biggest part of his life. Until he explained that he considered me and our home his haven. And that what he needed from me, more than anything, was a place of refuge. A place where he could let it all go and just enjoy his family.

The most important thing to me became anticipating his needs. I am working on reading him - and being the wife he needs that day. Some days he needs time to decompress, some days he just wants to laugh and wrestle the girls, some days to talk about nothing of importance.

Around here, welcoming Daddy takes little effort. Madeline can literally announce his arrival the moment his Diesel truck hits our block. Olivia can get the doors opened. And the two of them greet him in the driveway before he hits the house if they can, yelling Daaaaaaaddy all the way. He feels so important and honored. If he does manage to get in without them noticing, most days there is some kind of hugging-wrestling-giggling match on the living room floor.

But, as idyllic as it sounds, it's been just over a month since we lost our baby. And I am well aware that many couples struggle in their relationship after the loss of a child. To combat that, we've made an effort to talk to each other about what we need from each other, especially because those needs may change week to week, or even day to day, as we navigate the grieving process in our own ways.

Troy's answer was so simple. What does he need the most from me right now? A hug and a kiss when he sees me.

That's all. Just stop working for a minute and give him a kiss.

Easy as this sounds, it isn't always for me. Don't get me wrong, I count the minutes until Troy gets home. But when he arrives I am usually in the middle of trying to get all the elements of my meal on the table at the same time, in a hot kitchen, with two tired, hungry kids underfoot and I'm on a mission to get it done!

But no matter. If that is what speaks to him, then I need to stop working for a moment and focus on him.

And he does the same for me. Just this weekend, he surprised us with an extra day off work to extend our family time at the lake - and never answered the phone all Monday. I know this was a huge sacrifice. But he did it because his family was more important.

And I want to make him feel more important. That's my answer to how to make my home an inviting place Daddy longs to be. Make him feel MORE important.

My other ambitions for me and my children are:

Have a plan for dinner, no matter how simple. (Have the girls set the table.)

Do a quick straightening of our main living areas. (Have the girls to pick up the trail of tripping hazards they have produced and put them back in their rightful places.)

Be flexible and try to be what my husband needs that day. (Even the girls do this if Dad gets a call he has to take, and they have to be respectfully quiet for a few minutes.)

Just as he's working to figure out how to meet the needs of all three of his girls, we are doing the same for him. Our welcome mat is our honest excitement to see him at the end of a long day. Our home is inviting to him because he knows it is his refuge, where he will feel important and loved.

Having a Family Vision

2008-08-12T16:05:00.000-07:00

Today's Topic: Having a Family Vision

Today's Host: Natalie

I couldn't wait for today's topic (which is actually last week's topic); but I had to because I wanted to create this with my husband. I was excited to run the idea of a Family Vision by Troy and have him lead in setting the "direction" for our family.

This weekend we had 10 hours in the car on the way to the lake and I think we got some really great stuff! On the 5 hour drive there, we were able to pinpoint our long-term goals - in between potty breaks, diaper changes and answering Olivia's unending stream of questions. On the 5 hour drive home, we filled in the details of the long-term goals with short-term goals.

Some are new ideas, some are old and some are just finally defined.

We concluded the most important things to us were loving God, loving each other and loving others. We realized we had set ourselves in the right direction a long time ago, but we were missing the plan needed to get there.

For me, the short-term goals represent the practical aspects of our family vision and I'm so pleased to have this list to consult, to remind myself of what I want to be working on. My sister had the great idea of marking on the calendar when it is time to review the Family Plan. So I made a monthly note to myself to take inventory, and a quarterly note for Troy and I to review our short-term goals.

That said, our family verse will be Luke 10:27.

"He answered: " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind'; and, 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' "

In this verse, Jesus is referring to Duet 6:5-9, which played a role in the shaping of our family vision by providing our first long-term goal:

To have a Bible centered House

Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.

We want to make God's word a priority by:

- Reading the Bible together as a family at dinner time. (I just got a really great Bible in the mail today, credit to Angie for recommending it, The Jesus Storybook Bible. It's not too young and not too old - just right for our family.)

- Reading an age-appropriate devotion book, in addition to the girls' usual bedtime story, every night before bed.

- As adults, study the Bible everyday (in some way).

- Base our family's Code of Conduct on Bible verses.

- Start Olivia a Scripture Memory book, placing in it the Scriptures she memorizes one at a time, beginning with the verses from our family rules.

- Prayerfully choose a life verse to have printed and hung on each of the girls' doors.

- Frame and hang our family's verse.

To be a Connected Family

Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble. Likewise, two people lying close together can keep each other warm. But how can one be warm alone? A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken. Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

We hope to stay a tight family by:

- Eating dinner together at the table, whenever possible.

- Doing an activity that involves the whole family (swimming together, riding ATVs, going to the park), at least once a week.

- Daddy making an point to have dates with all of the girls individually (Mommy included).

- Setting aside time for Troy and I to define our family traditions.

To have a Solid Work Ethic

Make it your ambition to lead a quiet life, to mind your own business and to work with your hands, just as we told you, so that your daily life may win the respect of outsiders and so that you will not be dependent on anybody. 1 Thessalonians 4:11-12

We want to impart a strong work ethic by:

- Having daily responsibilities for each person (Olivia sets the table for dinner and picks up toys before Dad comes home; Madeline puts away plastic cups and plates, etc.)

- Working on the organic garden together, each one involved in the planting, maintaining and harvesting each weekend.

- Mom helping the girls understand (as best they can) why Daddy is "at work" and how he blessed we are that he provides for us.

To Serve and be involved in Outreach

"Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father means caring for orphans and widows in their distress and refusing to let the world corrupt you." James 1:27

"If someone has enough money to live well and sees a brother or sister in need but shows no compassion—how can God’s love be in that person? Dear children, let’s not merely say that we love each other; let us show the truth by our actions." 1 John 3:17-18

We want to be a family of service and outreach by:

- Sharing what God has given us with others (our home, our toys); looking for opportunities to host ministries and ministers.

- Donating to those in need and finding better uses for what we don't need.

- Rebecca continuing to teach monthly child birth classes for the CareNet crisis pregnancy center.

- Making meals as a family once a month for Monday Night Manna ministry.

To be Missions-minded

"And then he told them, “Go into all the world and preach the Good News to everyone." Mark 16:15

We want to be involved in missions by:

- Continuing to give faithfully to missionaries, outside of our regular giving.

- Staying closely connected with Rancho de sus Ninos orphanage in Mexico, and if possible to continue to take our girls to visit.

- Seeking out additional valid missions projects that we can be involved in and support.

I'm excited to see what God does in us and through us now that we've committed the full direction of our family to Him. And I'm excited to see the new places He takes us and the new visions He will give us in the future.

Don't Have Time to Grumble

2008-08-09T13:30:00.000-07:00

I'm sitting at my laptop, munching on kettle corn and sipping Hansen's all natural Creamy Root Beer. Yummm. Olympics opening ceremony playing in the background, my computer is set in a massive bay window overlooking the boating channel and the London Bridge. Does it get any better than this?

No, I'm not in London, I'm in Lake Havasu, AZ - the bridge is from London. But that's another story.

We're blessed to be enjoying a family getaway weekend at the Lake. We took some time this morning to drive around town, and on the way out I overhear a little voice in the backseat.

"I love God. He's my best."

The teacher in me wanted to inquire, Your best what? But before I opened my mouth, I stopped to think for a moment (a new skill I've been working on lately).

Olivia's sentence did not actually need an object. As much as the incomplete sentence bothered the teacher in me, it really did say it all.

God is "our best." Our best Friend, our best Counselor, our best Provider, our best Physician. Our best everything.

Filled with the same kind of pride for my daughter that God must feel towards me when I say something that honors Him, I turn around to look at her. She's giving me that head cocked, charm the socks off my mother kind of smile and I ask her, "How did you get to be so cutie?"

"By having God's love in my heart."

Could my heart swell any bigger? I turn to my husband and say, "I hope that's what some guy says about her someday.....she's so cute because she is full of God's love." (A thought deriving from my last At the Well post, I'm sure.)

As we continue driving, Troy decides to take a "little" detour through an amazing housing development filled with some of the biggest homes I've ever seen. As much as I enjoy going along on these little joy rides, the girls don't share my enthusiasm.

I began to think, "If only we had some ice cream, this ride might be a little more enjoyable." Following directly on the heels of that thought was, "Too bad that will never happen, since neither of my girls can eat dairy."

Back to that skill I've been working on....without thinking I blurted out, "Too bad for our girls to be born into such a crummy family, since we'll never be able to just go get an ice cream for fun."

Yes, I'm ashamed. I really did say that.

It took my husband a minute to respond (I don't even want to know what was going through his mind). "Yeah, too bad they just have to go the Lake for the weekend and go out swimming on a boat. Too bad they have to do things instead like go camping and go to Disney land and go to the zoo..."

I was quick to apologize and tell him he was right. He actually made a very good point. If God created my girls to not have ice cream, at least he put them in a family that is blessed to be able to do lots of other fun things.

In the spirit of full disclosure, I am probably more disappointed for me, since I've determined my primary love language is food.

Back home, I promised to read Olivia a book before nap. Figuring "Little Visits with God" was the ideal choice since God seemed to be speaking so much to her little heart lately, we snuggled up on the bed. With a description like, "Written fifty years ago, especially for children....this book continues to nurture faith and sows seeds that enrich lives" how could I go wrong?

Flip to where we last left off.....page 26.....Ok, here's our Scripture:

"Always [give] thanks to God the Father for everything. Ephesians 5:20"

Gulp.

Title: Always Thank God!

This is going to be good for someone alright. And it's not necessarily Olivia.

I may as well share an except:

"You mean I should thank God for having to wash the dishes and make my bed?" Rachel asked.
"Some people never have dirty dishes because they don't have much to eat," Dad replied. "There are some people who never have to make their beds because they're too poor to have beds."
"So when I wash the dishes, I should thank God for the food that made the dishes dirty," Rachel said with a smile of understanding. "And when I make my bed, I should thank God for having a nice warm bed."
"That's right, honey," Dad said. "I hope you'll learn to always give thanks for everything. When you're giving thanks, you don't have time to grumble."

Seriously, who was this devotion for?

Yes, God I get it. When I'm busy thanking You for all You deserve to be thanked for, I don't have time to be ungrateful. If I'm thanking You for the health of our children, I can't be whining about dairy allergies. Got it.

I'll do my best to stay busy thanking You today. Thanks for that little visit with You.