Friday, September 26, 2008

To Love From the Inside Out





A thousand times I've failed
Still your mercy remains
And should I stumble again
Still I'm caught in your grace

Chorus:
Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
In my heart, in my soul, Lord I give you control
Consume me from the inside out Lord
Let justice and praise become my embrace
To love You from the inside out

Your will above all else, my purpose remains
The art of losing myself in bringing you praise


OK, the real reason I love this song is the first line, "A million times I fail still your mercy remains." Yep. That's my song. I'm completely indebted to the mercy and grace that allows me to move past my mistakes. For example, yesterday I was sharing something I should not have been and even as I was saying it I was thinking to myself "Stop talking!" It was as if I was in slow motion and couldn't stop the words from escaping my lips and jumping to their death. That's why I'm glad God's mercies are new every morning. Today is a new day. With a new chance to make God proud.

But it's the "inside out" part of this song that recently caught hold of my heart. What we choose to do on the outside, is a direct result of what is going on inside. I alluded to this in a recent post. I want to love God from a desire in my heart, not because being a Christian obligates me. I want to honor God with my life because it brings us closer, not because it's "the right thing to do."

I walked with the Lord a long time before I understood the difference between doing something to fulfill the role of a good believer, and doing something because I desired to stay near to God. If you've read any of my blog, I'm sure you're aware that we lost our son when I was 12 weeks pregnant. Before that experience, I would say my walk with the Lord was lacking. I wanted to be closer to Him. I did most of the right things outwardly, but I wasn't actively seeking. Honestly, I found it hard to fit Him into my day.

After the trauma of losing our baby, my perspective changed. Suddenly and drastically. God was no longer just Someone to call up when it was useful, I needed Him - every minute, every hour, every day. Spending time with Him was no longer based on convenience, it was necessity. There was no other option.

The natural outcome of this utter dependence is a desire to clear out anything in my life that keeps me from getting closer to Him. Not because anyone said it was bad. Not because I felt convicted in a sermon. But because after I've been surrounded by God's love and comfort, it is hard to spend time on trivial things. I'm talking about things that aren't bad, but they don't hold any real value because they don't bring me any closer to Him.

I didn't make a conscious decision, I just lost my taste for those kids of things. For me personally, it was entertainment/news shows, internet "window shopping," People magazine (unless Sarah Palin is on the cover and then I'm still interested). It is probably something else in your life.

I feel like I have been finally freed up. For the first time, my actions are based on a true love, a real desire to have closeness with my Father God, rather than performing to seek His approval so that I would have His blessing over my life.

These changes started on the inside and manifested on the outside. I've been consumed from the inside out. And that's where my praise comes from today.


For more songs that inspire, visit Amy.

7 comments:

Liza's Eyeview said...

I absolutely love this song! I'll come back to read your post - I just need to attend to something right now.. will be back later

Earthmommy said...

I love this song and really enjoyed reading your post. Your daughters are beautiful!

hip chick said...

What a beautiful post. You have inspired me to love God more from the inside out.

Sita said...

These words minister to me as well in much the same way. God has allowed different crises in my life to learn dependence on Him. Thank you for sharing from your heart.

Cathy said...

A very beautiful worship song ~
Your little girls are precious.

Mokihana said...

I can't tell you how sorry I am for the loss of your precious child. I know there is an empty place in your heart that only God can fill.

Your daughters are so beautiful, and I know they bring you much joy. I love the song... thanks so much for posting it.

Liza's Eyeview said...

I am back - and I listened to this many times.

"The natural outcome of this utter dependence is a desire to clear out anything in my life that keeps me from getting closer to Him. Not because anyone said it was bad. Not because I felt convicted in a sermon. But because after I've been surrounded by God's love and comfort, it is hard to spend time on trivial things. I'm talking about things that aren't bad, but they don't hold any real value because they don't bring me any closer to Him."

This quote of yours is inspiring - so true, so heartfelt. True for me too.