I'm sure we've all heard the old wives' tale in regards to being a parent, “You can’t be friends with your child if you wish to parent them.” I've heard it many times and never really taken the time to consider it before.
I guess I probably thought it was true in light of my own childhood. My parents were either my friend, or my parent, but never both at the same time. I knew the days I was a close confidant or a buddy, and I knew the days I was just a child to be disciplined and kept in my place.
Today At the Well, we are discussing friendship within the family. We are taking a look at the phrase in Titus 2:4, "to love their husbands."
I obtained a new perspective of the verse when Amy revealed that the original word used for "love" is derived from Philos, which means to love in the sense of to be friends with. It means, “friend, to be friendly to one, wish him well.” This is different from the “love” of John 13:34, Agapao, which means "to welcome, to entertain, to be fond of, to love dearly.” The same can be said of the phrase "love their children."
The more I pondered this, the more I could picture friendship and parenting marching hand in hand. Here are just a few of the characteristics the Bible attributes to a friend.
Someone you trust and share with ~Psalms 41:9
Always loves you ~ Proverbs 17:17
Sticks with you ~ Proverbs 18:24
Gives you good counsel ~ Prov 27:9
Helps you up when you've failed ~ Ecc 4:10
Would give their life for you ~ John 15:13
Shares with you ~ John 15:15
When I think of my dearest friends, I know they are always available when I am in need. I am certain they will tell me when I'm out of line, as they want the best for me. They encourage me to grow. My closest friends are not afraid to be honest with me. They recognize my failures, but also encourage me to learn from them and move past them. They cheer on my victories, big and small. They even stand up for me when others attack.
Who wouldn't want a parent who does all that? If I'm being totally transparent here, then I have to tell you I would have given up my closest childhood friend to have my parents "parent me" like this. Unconditional love....someone I could trust and openly share my feelings with....not berating me, but helping me up when I fail.
I think the idea that we can't be a parent and a friend at the same time comes from a non-Biblical view of what a friend is.
Being a friend does not necessarily mean being an equal. I have friends I look up to for advice, and friends I feel more often I have something to impart. I love both kinds: the kind I can sow into and the kind I can learn from. I have some friends I can share my worst details with, and other relationships where that wouldn't be appropriate.
And being a friend doesn't mean you let the person get away with wrong behavior for the sake of keeping peace in the friendship. That is not what Proverbs 27:17 is talking about when it says, "As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend." Just as you use a metal tool to sharpen a knife blade, it takes a substance of similiar strength and durability to handle the friction required to sharpen an object. A true friend is strong enough to stand up for what is right.
I love that I had the opportunity to study this today. I had always assumed I would have to choose between being a parent and a friend as my kids got older. Right now while my girls are young, it is natural to be a friend and playmate. I was dreading the day when I would have to abandon that to become "THE PARENT." I am excited to know that God has commanded us to love them with a friendship kind of love all along the way.
