Sunday, January 25, 2009

Baby Boy

January. 26. 2009.

Today is the due date of the baby boy who never made it into our arms, but left us early for the arms of our Heavenly Father.

As we've dealt with the complications surrounding my current pregnancy, the grieving process was sort of....stunted.

Yesterday and today, though, I've been hit full force with the ache of this loss. I should not be going to an early ultrasound tomorrow to see if this baby is growing OK; I should be holding a newborn baby in my arms today.

As I laid in bed last night, contemplating what emotions today would bring, one thing was certain. This little, little life taught me so much about Life. And has given me a desire I never felt before, to reach that place of eternal life where I will get to hold my son, wholly perfect. Heaven is our hope.

I am so full of contradicting emotions and thoughts, I almost didn't write at all today. Mourning the loss of one baby, while trying to hold out hope that the baby I'm carrying will grow, safe and strong.

But I felt compelled. I had to write to remember. The only thing worse than the pain, would be to forget.

Today I thank God for the short time he allowed our son to grow inside me. And for the incredible impact that experience had on our entire family. I am looking forward to the day when we will meet again. And I don't ever want to lose sight of that hope.

7 comments:

AmandaHoyt said...

Rebecca, my heart is breaking for your pain with losing your baby boy. We will not forget him. I am praying that you find peace and comfort tonight as you try to rest. May the life inside of you now be healthy and happy and bring you great joy.
Hugs and prayers,
Amanda

devita said...

It really breaks my heart hearing this news. I pray that he will be joyfully there with our Father in heaven. May peace and love always on you, Rebecca.

hugs and kisses,

Devita

lori said...

That HOPE is what sustains you...all of us really...but it's in that hope that we finally understand this Scripture...it was what a dear friend had her husband pass on to us the night he let us know she'd gone to heaven too...it tears me up everytime...but as time goes on and I cling more...I understand it more and more, ultimately I'll understand it FULLY when I return home...

Big sighs today...prayers and peace!
hugs!
lori

Anonymous said...

I am praying for you! The song I've had on my heart is a little chorus I hope you know...simple and so true...

He knows my name.
He knows my every thought.
He sees each tear that falls,
and He hears me when I call.

Love you,
Danielle

Julie said...

Rebecca,

I have been praying for you and I hope you are feeling better today. The due date is always VERY tough and I always feel melancholy around that time but it does get easier. You just never do forget nor would we want to, would we?

Many, many prayer to you and your family this week,

~Julie

*And, I tagged you at my blog. Play along if you want!

Hear My Cry said...

I'm so sorry for your loss. I have no words.

SunshineofAutumnQuilts said...

I will continue to pray for you. I have been through that in my own life, and my friend is delivering a baby today- after a year ago loosing hers the day before it was to be in her arms, so I know there are many of us out there. Thank you for what you shared and for inspiring us even through your heart of concern and hope. Through Christ we gain strength and with God all things are possible.
I am passing along the Lemonade Award to you for this post for having the courage to remember and courage to move forward.
In His Love
Jenn at Growth in God
Please visit my site to pick up the award.